This business of surviving cancer seems silly at times. Many of you will survive — and each of you are my heroes. Many more of us stand far less of a chance. So my question is for those of us with lower odds — when is enough, enough?
I am truly excited for the next step. Together, Susie and I have tried to envision a butterfly’s metamorphosis. As I transform from this world, I hope to be thrilled by what I experience next — but it’s difficult to imagine what that will be. Will it be bright lights and loved ones? Will I be returned to some place I’ve been before? Or is it simply ashes to ashes?
Eleven months into the predicted 1-3 year ordeal. Susie has read me volumes of books to help me prepare for that next step. Right or wrong, the books help me draw strength and I genuinely feel comforted by the idea that good things lie beyond this life. Not knowing what they are is fascinating, albeit frightening — and the question of “when is enough, enough?” continues to haunt me.
The first 6 months made me want to keep living. Our road trips were so full of hope and time seemed almost limitless. But now the reality: I’m no longer the same person and I can feel life slipping away. Each passing day becomes more difficult and some of the things that once brought me so much joy are now missing — like cooking and gardening. And everyday stuff we take for granted, like driving. I really miss driving.
There are also things that remain intact — my family continues to be present, supportive and loving, my friends stay in contact (almost to a fault), I’m still in awe of each December sunset — and an entire city has made me feel like their son.
So, as for my question of when is enough, enough?
The answer is…not today.
Loren
Photo Credit: Tamilee Webb ❤
The Nancarrow Project 
Hey Loren, was just talking with a beer buddy, the other day, and your story came up. Both of us, felt like we know you a bit, but then again, you are known by so many. Thank you for including us on your journey.
Hi Loren,
Our sons played Baseball against each other years ago. Ian Miller from CYB is my son. I have been following some of your journey. I know this must be a great burden on you and your family. You are the one in charge of your treatment. However all your passing is up to The Lord Jesus Christ IMHO. Please if you have not accepted Christ look for Him, he is in the beautiful sunset tonight, he is revealed in The Bible, and He (Christ) says that He is the only Way to heaven. Where blessing and joy await. All my prayers are with you.
Dave Miller
Loren,
You time is now, enjoy ever second of every day , I wish you strength and happiness through your journey of life. There are lot of people who think about your wellness everyday and wish you a painless peaceful life, your time on this planet begins now like all of us. May your future days, months and years bring you health and happiness.
Best regards
Bob
As so many before me have said, your courage, strength and incredible zest for life and finding joy in each and every day is truly inspiring. May you continue on your journey and know that you have touched the hearts and souls of more people than you know. We are blessed and our lives have been enriched by your presence.
You are now and will always be loved by so many Loren Forever.
Dear Lauren…it is not the amount of time that counts, but rather the fact that YOU have made a difference! We continue to hold positive thoughts and wishes.
Knowing that you have so many admirers for having made them better people and for loving nature around theme is a HUGE accomplishment in itself. Your life is an inspiration to all of us, and we will love you as long as we live. Dick and Kay
Dick and Kay, thank you so much for your sweet words. I’ve read this to Loren… filled
with gratitude and tears. Susie and Loren
Loren I was born and raised here in San Diego and you are an icon in this community. Thousands love you and are pulling for you and your family…. GOD BLESS
Not today for all of us, either, Loren. Not today. You’ve filled our hearts with love and our eyes with tears. Keep strong, as long as you can.
You are in my prayers. You have eternal life awaiting you in heaven. Jesus promises that if you believe in Him and ask Him into your heart. God wil tell you when enough is enough.
This post filled my heart. Thank you so much for sharing this journey with all of us. Sending big love and lots of strength to you and all the Nancarrows from Boston.
Loren you will probably never know how much love and hope you have given everyone that has followed you from the beginning of January till now with your Cancer. Beyond what you have gone and shared about your illness I also have begun to realize how important it is to live in the “NOW”. You have been so brave going so public with your illness and with your family keeping everyone posted on how your doing. God has blessed you with a beautiful family, an amazing wife that loves and cares for you so much as well. When is enough enough….. I’ve often asked myself that same question through different times in my life….dont you ever give up. As you know life is not about giving up but fighting and staying strong for what you want. I’m glad today is not the day for you. Thank you Loren for all the memories that I have been in San Diego. I met both you and Susie at the Carlsbad street fair many years ago and of course you were around a lot of plants then. Stay strong….we all love you.
Hi Loren. Please to go this website and read the article, then decide on further exploration.
htts://www.logicalhealthalternatives.com/video/LHA/BabyBoomer/EODDPCAX_HaloCure_39_LFT_129.php
I am sorry I don’t know how to make this so you can just click on it to open it, but please copy it exactly and read the article, you might be pleasantly surprised. I wish you the best during this traumatic time in your life. If prayers worked all the time, you would have been cured a long time ago. Still trying to make them work. Jackie
It is your personal decision, no ones elses,and I find it reassuring that you and Suzie talk about it as you do.You have enriched my life.
Loren, your fight is another step in YOUR life. Enough is enough, only when you decide to stop your journey. My father was told he had 6 months, and he fought and stayed with US, for 4 yrs. But in the later part of his fight, he decided he just couldn’t do anymore treatments, blood transfusions, and he said he was dreaming at night of his parents. The conversations he said were so real to HIM that he believed he was nearing the time to move on from this life. He use to be a great baseball pitcher when he was in high school, and when he fell into a deep sleep and no longer was speaking to us. (I believed he heard every word we said to him though) He made movements of pitching baseball. It was such a wonderful moment for all of us to share. Because we believe he was returning to a time he LOVED SO MUCH! So, he decided when enough was enough for him. He took the pitchers mound back on Dec. 7, 2008. I always told him how brave he was, he responded to me, “The brave ones are the people that are left behind, to survive this life”. I got to know YOU when my husband and I were stationed in SD with the Navy for 20+ yrs. Love to you Loren and your family!
Beautifully said. Not today.
Loren – When I was 17 my friend and I rolled his new jeep into spooks canyon just north east of Rancho Santa Fe.
Here is what I experienced:
I was in a place of pure light and warmth. The feeling of love and peace was overwhelming and I was a part of it and it me. I was moving …. I guess the equivalent of walking …. and looking at beautiful tulips and other flowers but the colors were streaming off of them. It was the greatest peace I have ever felt in my entire life. No worries, no pain, no suffering …. pure love and peace all around and through me.
As I went along, a man came toward me. All I could see was his face. He had shoulder length hair that was brown and slightly matted. He had incredible blue eyes and facial hair. Not a lot of hair but much like a guy who is trying to grow a beard and moustache but doesn’t have a lot of facial hair going for him …. he was probably about 30 or 35 but he was old … wise. When he looked at me (or when our eyes met) I instantly felt an amazing sense of peace and love. As he came toward me I noticed he was shaking his head from side to side as if he was saying “no” … I could hear him telling me it wasn’t time, although we didn’t speak. As he came closer I fell backward and woke up in the passengers seat of the jeep at the base of the canyon. I closed my eyes and tried to go back but I couldn’t. Everything was grey and dirty and and I felt afraid.
The rest is history but I will say I do not fear my trip “home”. It is a place of peace and love.
I hope this has provided you with some sense of “knowing” that you should not be afraid Loren. I would encourage you to love with all your heart until your final day.
Gods speed …
-Pete
PS – God really IS your father Loren. Be sure to have him in your life if you don’t yet. Just ask … he is waiting!
Beautiful, Pete. I had a similar experience. Would love to talk to you about it. Perhaps a group of us who have experienced what lies beyond can get an audience with our dear friend, Loren, if he’s willing.
Thank you Pete, your experience is similar to those followed by Elisabeth Kubler Ross… she followed 30,000 people who passed on but came back…
very similar and so comforting. We are filled with love and gratitude for your sharing this personal, amazing, beautiful experience.
Susie Nancarrow
As a person who was given 2-3 months to live with Stage 4 liver cancer in 85% of my liver on August 22, 2012, I say to you again NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP!!!!!! My tumors are now in only 50% of my liver.
God bless you, Loren, and your beautiful family as well.
Loren: not feeling yourself must be discouraging; so you are human. The treatments you are receiving play games with your mind, but each tomorrow will still hold some sense of wonder to lift you up. Always look for it no matter what your day is like.
I pray that when enough is enough you will have the peace that surpasses our understanding, that your family will see that you have had enough and that there will be a peace that permeates your home like the joy you have brought to so many people in your lifetime. May our Lord bless you, keep you, heal you. DAF
Your reflection reminds me of a poem that is attributed to Bob Perks….Blessings to you Loren. You are a light in this sometimes weary world.
“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear muchbigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough “Hello’s” to get you through the final “Goodbye.”
Loren, you have taught all of us about life & love. I respect you more each day. I respect the Man you are, the family you have & the great friends that surround you everyday. I can only wish that I would have this much love & comfort. Inside I want to tell you Pleaee keep fighting, but that would just be for me cause the thought of, never hearing from you again hurts too bad. So my dear friend (that I only know from tv & now your blogs) God is the only one that will know when enough is enough. Till then I will continue to pray for you and wait for your next blog
God Bless. Much love & respect
Linda Gloria
Lovely sentiment!
I feel the same way! Love and hugs to you Loren…..have watched you (on several news stations) and enjoyed your presentations and happy smile! Sorry for what you are having to endure, but if we have faith there will be better times on the other side! God Bless you and your family! I admire your strength, yet can well imagine the pain and sadness that also comes with having a terminal illness. I have sat next to many friends and eased their passing….including both parents…I wish you peace and keep up your joyful spirit! This world will definitely not be the same without your happy spirit! I remember one of your gardening tips that I called my family in to hear, and after commercials, when you came back on air, your tip was how to get rid of some type of weeds……we anxiously awaited your words of wisdom only to hear” pull them”! haha….got us on that one! We were waiting for one of your natural magic potions….got such a kick out of that! It still comes up in conversations every once in a while! We were so glad to see you in more of an anchor role on Fox! Peace to you my friend who i never met!
Beautiful words…but make me so very sad.
We have today. Tomorrow may not be even for those not fighting cancer. I bet you smiled, may be shared a laugh, some time today. That is why we fight for tomorrow. Today is not enough.
I watched you as a kid on KOB-TV in Albuquerque, NM, and was thrilled to see you on San Diego news about a year after I had moved here…and I watched you ever since. Even though I don’t know you personally (although we do have some mutual friends), I felt great sadness at the news of your blob. I’m glad that today isn’t the day for you to say “enough is enough”, and I hope that you are able to watch many more sunsets with your family & friends. Hang in there Loren…much love to you and your family. Thanks for sharing your journey with us San Diegan’s…and displaced New Mexican’s 🙂
Loren- I believe that enough is enough when your quality of life makes waking up disappointing- when pain overshadows all joy in your life. With my younger brother, who died of cancer last year, I had the phone held next to him even though he was unconscious, and told him it was OK to leave this life and pass onto and into the next. When your family has such great love for you, that you have received their blessings to pass on- I believe with all my heart and soul it is fine to let go and let God.
I don’t know what books you’ve read, but one has all the answers… The Bible. Jesus loves you. He gives us eternal life when we believe in His Son Jesus. Heaven awaits you if you believe this. The Bible says “taste and see that the Lord is good”. Ask Him into your heart right this minute. You will not regret it. He healed me of breast cancer. Please call on Jesus. He will save you.
Thank you for saying what you said. My heart broke when I read this entry by Loren today. I KNOW where I am going because Jesus told us in the Bible that if we believe in him we will have everlasting life. Whatever other books you are reading, Loren, please please make the Bible your first choice. Start with the gospel of John. All your questions will be answered. God may still take you from this life, but at least you will have peace with what lies ahead. I pray for you every day.
Thank you for all you’ve given us through the years.
God bless you,
No matter what our beliefs are, that surely looks like the path we’d all like to take above the clouds. Happy Monday Loren.
Loren – You are truly an amazing soul…..thank you so much for inspiring all of us! I think and pray for you daily! Because of you I have become a better person…..much love and peace to you and your family! May God Bless over all of you…..and one more thing….DON’T STOP BELIEVIN’ BABY! ❤ ❤ ❤ XO
Absolutely beautiful. You’re such an inspiration.
Loren, You embody love. Long after all of us are gone, the love will remain. I know in my heart that you will be surrounded by peace and beauty and lifted to a beautiful garden to live forever. You’re right, someday it will be enough. For now, I hope you can feel all of our love!
Loren, It is astounding that you have it within yourself to allow us to experience your raw, stark, beautiful journey that is your life. Surely you have touched so many of us with your perspective, your humility and your grace. When enough is enough, may we all have the love, support, bravery and wisdom you show every day.
Dear Loren,
My baby sister died of a brain tumor in Nov. 2011 at the age of 56. She had great care at UCSF, and she survived 3 yrs after she was diagnosed. Much of that time was quality time. She traveled, she did her art, and she gardened. The last few months were very difficult. She couldn’t walk, her vision was going and her life got smaller and smaller. On one of my last visits to see her in SF, she said how difficult it was because she couldn’t do anything. At that point she no longer could participate in life. How wonderful to have your wife read to you and to wonder what the future holds for you. My sister said the same thing about the mystery that is death. No one knows exactly what happens. None of us. You are in my thoughts and prayers during these difficult days. xox
You are leaving us, all of San Diego, an amazing legacy. We wil continue to pray for you and especially your family as they are amazing too!
It’ll never be enough for me buddy. Love you…KB
Loren, you are amazing and what a magnificent support system you have from EVERYONE! You deserve it. Your family is stronger than I have ever known! They love you and we all love you and that may help you with some of the enough is enough question…….we will never get an accurate answer, any of us! Know that you are in the most amazing place to be, now, and take it alll in! Those sunsets are ALL FOR YOU!!!!!
Peace and love to you in this quiet winter solstice.
Loren, you are so loved by this city, Please know Jesus loves you more than
any of us ever could, please ask him into your heart, and your future is a guaranteed
to be a life that is beyond our greatest hopes or dreams, we hate to know you may leave us,
but there is a future, that you have with your family, all you have to do is ask. I have been praying for you as long I have known of your situation, you are an icon in San Diego and deeply cared for, I hope to meet you in the life to come, God bless you my friend
I loved reading your post and all the comments. I could not say it better than whats been said. What got me with your last sentence about San Diego and you are son. In my case you’d be my uncle. I too am glad its not today and thank you for sharing so openly your journey. I do know LOVE is the highest vibration and you will always be connected by that love we all share with you. Namaste to you and Susie and your beautiful children.
When you were on TV I would watch for you and hang on very word. Now I scan the iPad for your updates and hand on very word. Loren, you don’t know me. I’m just some lady who cares and someone who has gained tips along the way and now inspiration and insight. I will continue to watch and wait until enough is enough, whenever that is. You will know just like you have known so darn much so far!
DEAR LOREN, THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS WITH US…WE ARE SELFISH…WE WANT YOU HERE WITH US..BUT I TRUELY BELIEVE THAT WHEN WE LEAVE THIS LIFE, WE WILL GO ON TO AN AMAZING PLACE…WHERE WE WILL BE REUNITED WITH LOVED ONES WHO WENT BEFORE US..BE AT PEACE WITH THE FACT THAT GOD LOVES YOU…YOUR FAMILY LOVES YOU SO MUCH…AND YOU ARE HELPING SO MANY OF US..I THINK OF YOU DAILY, AND PRAY FOR YOU..ENJOY EVERY DAY…EVERY MOMENT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN…GOD BLESS YOU LOREN…LOVE, DIANE MIDDLETON
On my first day of vacation, I thought I was having misfortune when my UC Davis daughter’s car repair was another $1000.00. That’s what I was concerned about? Shame on me.
You have changed me to be a better person and to care about what is precious. So many people are forever beholden to you, Loren.
Loren,
I am a friend of Martha Leedy and we lived in Encinitas from 1973-1997. Keith and I both remember you. You are such an inspiration. My little sister’s husband of 40 years was stolen from his family at the age of 61 a year ago July by cancer. He passed on to a wonderful, pain-free new life 45 minutes prior to meeting with Hospice in regard to preparing for him to go “home” from the hospital. Enough was enough…
May your holidays be filled with family and love. There is a huge population of us “out here” praying for you.
DeAnna Johnson
Mineola, IA
Your are a inspiration to all of us! My Dad had the same illness. He is the bravest man I’ve ever known. I see you are the same to your family as well. God Bless you.
I don’t think “good luck” are the right words, but maybe wishes of endless love + joy. Encinitas will miss you and thanks you for your contributions.
WOW you are AMAZING!!! Being a critical care and ER nurse for many years….YOU WILL KNOW WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!!! God Bless you and I pray He continues to GUIDE AND COMFORT YOU and YOUR FAMILY!!!!
I truly believe you are in for an AMAZING RIDE! Once you move on i hope we continue to hear from you 🙂
Loren,
Enough is never enough. You have always been such an inspiration to so many. I have seen what cancer can do- it can tear lives apart, or can make people become a shadow of their former selves, and so much more. I have also seen what cancer CAN NOT do- it cannot make people stop caring about you- even those who don’t know you personally, it cannot make you immune to all the amazing things this world has to offer- including all those beautiful December sunsets, it cannot make you give up the fight- although at times you may want to, it is impossible to just give up the will to live.
Keep fighting the good fight!
” Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well- preserved body, but rather skidding in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming—-“ WOW!! WHAT A RIDE!!“ ”
— unknown
This is my life’s belief & although I don’t personally know you, except thru the media, I believe you too LIVE by this.
Loren..such an honest, beautiful post! I cannot even begin to imagine what it’s been like for you. Our city loves you and your family and I personally think of you often. I am inspired by you, your family. Such love is there. Keep fighting and we will keep praying..Love you Loren and your family too.
I am humbled by your journey. Remember, if Jesus lies ahead your future will be a garden as never imagined,
Loren – You and your family are an inspiration to so many. And I know you are tired…but you are right…today is not when “enough is enough.” Only G-d holds that answer. Hang in there and fight…for all of us. When it is time, I know that you will be held in Susie’s loving arms and be surrounded by your family and friends. And you will live on in the their hearts and in the hearts of those who know and love you.
Loren-You will know when enough is enough. Thank you for your incredible courage and dignity. You are truly an inspiration How fortunate you are to have such loving family and friends!! You are blessed!
Peace to you and your family, Loren