This business of surviving cancer seems silly at times. Many of you will survive — and each of you are my heroes. Many more of us stand far less of a chance. So my question is for those of us with lower odds — when is enough, enough?
I am truly excited for the next step. Together, Susie and I have tried to envision a butterfly’s metamorphosis. As I transform from this world, I hope to be thrilled by what I experience next — but it’s difficult to imagine what that will be. Will it be bright lights and loved ones? Will I be returned to some place I’ve been before? Or is it simply ashes to ashes?
Eleven months into the predicted 1-3 year ordeal. Susie has read me volumes of books to help me prepare for that next step. Right or wrong, the books help me draw strength and I genuinely feel comforted by the idea that good things lie beyond this life. Not knowing what they are is fascinating, albeit frightening — and the question of “when is enough, enough?” continues to haunt me.
The first 6 months made me want to keep living. Our road trips were so full of hope and time seemed almost limitless. But now the reality: I’m no longer the same person and I can feel life slipping away. Each passing day becomes more difficult and some of the things that once brought me so much joy are now missing — like cooking and gardening. And everyday stuff we take for granted, like driving. I really miss driving.
There are also things that remain intact — my family continues to be present, supportive and loving, my friends stay in contact (almost to a fault), I’m still in awe of each December sunset — and an entire city has made me feel like their son.
So, as for my question of when is enough, enough?
The answer is…not today.
Loren
Photo Credit: Tamilee Webb ❤
The Nancarrow Project 
I agree with a previous post that you are San Diego’s son and you and your family represent everything that is good about our beautiful city. You are loved by so many and are so gracious to bring us along on your journey, a journey we will all make. There is much
wisdom in the prior posts and I hope some of the wisdom expressed brings you comfort.
Sending prayers and love to you and your family.
My brother came and sat on my bed, three months after he was killed in a helicopter explosion over the China sea, during Korea. We did not know cause of crash until he told me. He said he would be fine. Grieved for his children. Then, he left. We have felt so blessed having you in our lives. It will be well.
Liz
Dear Loren,
When He feels your purpose here is done, it is finished. Only you will know when your body will say it is finished and your mind struggles and your soul let’s go.
It happened to me a year ago on the surgeons table and I was ready to go but apparently His purpose was not to let me die and here Iam looking from lifes perspective knowing death is but a gateway
Dear Loren,
Thank you for all you have given us…I live in your community and am so grateful for all you have given. I loved watching you on TV and have always followed your reports on gardening, etc. Thank you for making the world a better place. Thank you for sharing this journey of yours. Thank you for being….
Dear Loren,
You can know what to expect in the next world. Jesus has left us wonderful News! John 4:1-4 tells us that He goes to prepare a place for us. I don’t know if you know Him, but He knows you and wants you to be with Him in eternity. If you are not baptized, I encourage you to ask for that. You can call any Priest who will come to you. My God bless you dear Loren and may He give you His peace that truly does pass understanding. In His Love, Pat
Romans 10:9 tells us ‘If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and if you believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you will be saved.’ Jesus came to save all of us, all we have to do is accept His free offer of forgiveness and salvation. I pray that you have a relationship with Him and that we will see you in His perfect Heaven.
Thank you for sharing this difficult and very personal journey with us Loren. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I lost my little sister to cancer two years ago. She knew when enough was enough and the last chapter of her life here was beautiful, very sad and so profound. She had six beautiful horses and spent her last days as close to them as possible. The horses were amazing. They knew when she was slipping away. Maybe I’ve told you this story already but her journey made me believe that there is something more beyond this life. She had done what she needed to do here and she was moving on to the next chapter. It made me less afraid. You have made such an impact on so many. As Audra said, we are holding your hand on this journey. Wrapping you in a hug now.
not today Loren, Hang in there. The world is a better place with you in it.
Thank you for sharing all of this, for giving voice to what so many are going through. Never tire of being refered to as an inspiration– the world never has enough of them! The life you are living is a gift to many. As a cancer survivor myself (twice) I have always held the belief that the next great adventure awaits. Blessings to you and your family.
Loren, thank you for sharing your thoughts on this transition you are going through. In fact, your openness and honesty teach us all, once more–as you have done through the years about so many other things– The fact is we all are going to the same place, sooner or later. Some of us will have time to process as others will not. I do not know when enough is enough and the only thing I can humbly say is that you should bask in the love of your family, to trust that no matter how deep the pain, they will all be fine in the end. You did your work of planting so many good seeds in their hearts. I choose to believe I will be seeing my husband when it is my time. The thought of ashes to ashes is unbearable to me. It is enough to live in this unplanned physical separation. When we have the best partner in life, we plan to grow old together, to seat on a park bench looking at the sunset, but some of us are untimely separated. As much as it is not acceptable to see one’s world reduced to less activities, embrace and feel joy for the ones you can do. Feel joyful for every day because I believe we are energy, our feelings are energy and physicists tell us that energy transforms but cannot be destroyed. Yes, we do not take material things, but love, joy, the sense of accomplishment, never dies. It is certainly scary to face this change, the lack of certainty is what stops us from enjoying the trip. Loren, I wish you a great rebirth and a big huge welcome in that eternal fountain of love from whence we all came.
Loren~
The thing about cancer is that you ever know starting in treatment if you will be in the small percentage of people that suffer consequences of the treatment.
Everyone always talks about “fighting the good fight”.
No one likes to talk about the times when you feel like fighting a dirty, nasty war against the invader in your body. Nobody talks about the days when you feel too tired to get up out of bed>let alone “fight”.
Sometimes the treatment feels worse than the disease.
Saying no to treatment can actually be a healing thing in itself.
Taking a break from the whirlwind of appointments>needle sticks> taking a break from the medications and the steroids that cause the bloating.
It is ok to take a chemo/radiation Holiday>just say no to chemo for today> and today only.
The human body and soul needs time to heal after being attacked.
The fight does not end>we just fight in a different way.
You may not be able to enjoy gardening and cooking at this moment; please take joy in knowing you have taught people how to garden>you have taught people what it means to fight against a wicked disease.
Please see how many people on these pages your life has touched.
Your Healing Garden has already been visited by multitudes of patients and their families.
Be proud of yourself>be proud of your family.
Know that even though many of us have never met you we care deeply about you and your family.
Please look back at the pictures you have posted>I love the dolphins surfing the wave.
If you look closely you can see yourself right next to those dolphins>surfing away without a care in the world. That is Heaven!
WOW…she said it well!
Only God can make a sunset and it is beautiful! God is preparing a place for all that believe in Him. Trust Him with your heart. He loves you! We ain’t seen nothin’ yet! Praying for you!
Loren,
Like so many others, I grew up watching you, learning from you, trusting you….
Now it’s your turn. Your body is to your soul what your house is to your body…
OF COURSE THERE’S MORE TO COME & OF COURSE IT WILL BE BIGGER & BETTER & MORE BEAUTIFUL (especially once YOU are there).BELIEVE!
Enough is enough when you say it is.
Not one second sooner, & DEFINITELY NOT TODAY (or tomorrow)!
I miss seeing your handsome face on my television. EVERY BREATH IS A GIFT!
Oh gosh, that makes me cry.
I say never give up. Never. Ever.
And, yes, bright lights, loved ones, and the most enormous feeling of love imaginable.
You can give in, when you’re ready, but don’t give up. High five my husband when you get there. ❤
I agree, definitely NOT TODAY……Love you and your family…….
Loren-
You are so loved by so many that you will never know on this earth.
Know that when enough has been enough…..you will be loved, and your loved ones will be loved.
Thank you for sharing your journey- your honesty and humor are really heartwarming.
Dear Loren, I really don’t know what to say, everyone before me has said all that I feel and would say to you. You are a blessing, my heart is so full of love and respect for you, God Bless you and your family Loren. You are truly loved.
You are sweet man Loren with much good karma. Peace.
Peace and love to you and your wonderful family. I can hear your weariness in your post and my heart aches……..I lost a very dear friend, just yesterday……he too was weary and let go after a long battle, and let God. You are so loved, my friend and so very blessed.
You have been a son of San Diego for so many years and I for one want to thank you for all the joy you have given us. This journey you and your family are going through is so difficult and only you can answer the ultimate question of when is enough, enough. Have faith that your separation from your loved ones. Take care of each other. Joy
Loren, I could not have said it better then Ellen did previously, “You have enriched my life” …and then some! Your fight has been an inspiration to so many and especially so for those starting the process.
This month I was diagnosed with a rare version of Breast Cancer. I’m told, they are going to throw everything they have at me. When I saw the list of drugs they are going to give me and the side effects I got sick to my stomach. Anyone who knows me knows I’m really afraid of doctors and would rather sit in a dentists chair any day. They can only find something wrong in my mouth, which was always a little bit of comfort for me! When the Oncologist said “You’re life is going to be different from here on out and what I have is not easy to cure”, I realized I need to anny up give it my best shot. It certainly has made me put things into a vivid perspective. My family and friends have been there every step of the way with me which has been a blessing to me.
Another blessing has been your heartfelt words that have been full of honesty and a humor only you could author, so greatly needed when it comes to being in a place we can’t control. You are an amazing “one of a kind” human being. Thank you for sharing your journey. Much love to you and your caring family and friends.
It’s posts like this that make surfing so much pleasure
Enough?…by the definition..
e·nough
[ih-nuhf]
adjective
1.
adequate for the want or need; sufficient for the purpose or to satisfy desire: enough water; noise enough to wake the dead.
pronoun
2.
an adequate quantity or number; sufficiency.
adverb
3.
in a quantity or degree that answers a purpose or satisfies a need or desire; sufficiently.
4.
fully or quite: ready enough.
interjection
5.
(used to express impatience or exasperation): Enough! I heard you the first time.
In this case only you …and God…will know. I must say that you are giving so much of yourself now it isn’t any wonder you are tired. Strange things have happened and your time maybe longer than you think…your attitude helps a lot …
The hardest part is for us (your friends) to let you go…we have to be strong enough to allow you go when you are ready.
I have a friend who has experienced cancer 2x times in his life (wife and son-both still here!)…and he wrote a poem…http://www.bobperks.com/wish.htm
as Bob would say “I wish you enough”
Thank you so much for such a heartfelt look into the experience of facing death. We rarely get to hear such real musings. Thank you over and over!
Loren, we all share this journey with you, in some capacity or another. My husband is a Cancer patient at Scripps as well. We think about you daily and send positive energy your way. We too are thankful that today is not your day, and it is not my husbands day either. Much love and light to you and your amazing family, thank you for sharing this journey with all of us, in some way it makes us feel like we are not all alone in this battle . xoxoxoxoxox
Loren….. You have given all of us so much throughout your career, and we all consider you such a friend! And you are! We often talk about what is our greatest success. For me, the top of the list is my marriage and being a father. Loren, you have the best family a man could ever ask for! True success…..Father, Husband, and Friend to so many. You are the best. Love you man. Brian and Jennifer Cates.
Loren, for you to let us into your inner-most thoughts during this most intimate time of your fight, is a generous gift from one human to another. We all wonder when our time will come. What will it be like? Where will my soul go? We will have lived enough before it’s time to go? You are certainly facing your uncertainties sooner that some of us; but the love you are surrounded with is close. The words can be said; leaving nothing undone. The colors of the sunset draw in close to your soul, being appreciated like never before. And the touch of a human never so cherished. A blessing some would say to have this time to reflect. I read your posts and you are doing what you are meant to do. You are sharing your words in hopes we can all be touched with what it is you have found to be true. Your intimate love of life is being shared – and for that I thank you for bringing us all together from your heart…
Loren, Neale Donald Walsch, who wrote At Home with God In A Life That Never Ends – a magnificent book about dying and what happens after – calls it “Continuation”, and the day of one’s passing is his Continuation Day. You are blessed beyond words to be entering this transition consciously.
Dear Loren, I am a nurse on an oncology unit. I have followed your blogs and I’m deeply touched by you and your family. I’ve watched your work for years and if there is anything in the world I can do for you and your family let me know. I truly care and wish you comfort and peace. Sincerely, Michele Wholey RN
Enough is enough when YOU feel it is time and no one but you Loren will know it. Each day new things are found to prolong life but to me, my opinion only, if I feel like it is the end I would hope my family and friends would accept. Love and hugs to a very brave and influential man. Dawn
My Friend Loren,
In so many ways I admire you. I know you will one day go to live with all of the rest of us in heaven. I know that. I personally don’t think that your time is now. You have a lot more living to do. I ask the Lord to bless you with strength to endure, and love to look forward to happier times in the very near future. I ask him to bless your dear wife Susie and your children and loved ones and friends. We are hear to help and bless your lives.
Have a blessed Christmas Loren.
We are all here for you!
Ron
Thanks Loren.
Loren –
You have always been a kindred spirit – your hours and days on Earth are with purpose and you reached and touched so many of us….I believe when you choose to move on to this new phase of your soul – you will continue to shine brightly on us. Today and always – May you feel the love in your heart pouring back from all those you have touched. God bless. Xoxo
So happy to hear that today is not the day to say “enough is enough.” There is no rhyme or reason…and yes, some people do survive cancer. And then, there are the ones who are more than survivors. They are just simply miracles. So, in this no rhyme or reason disease, you can be the miracle. God Bless you and your family.
Please read a Bible to learn what heaven is like and how to be sure that you will go there.
God Bless you Loren. You have made everything such a joy on TV through the years for me and my family. Your kind face and spirit through your words. I beleieve you will have peace forever and see loved one’s for sure and Jesus and forever those beautiful sunsets!!! You are loved by many.
Blessings to you and your Family. Merry Christmas,
I worked with you at KGTV back in the late 90’s. Your family, your kindness, your heart left a huge impact on my life. At that time I was aloof, but you my dear friend gave me the example of what a man, father and husband should be. For that, I’m grateful. I’m also grateful and so moved by your recent blog. I’ve been in the wings reading, watching the stories and watching your lovely daughter Hannah love you to a degree I only hope my daughter Hanna would if I were in the same situation. I pray and think of you daily. I do what I can to always ask God for his sovereign vail of protection over you and your family. At some point I hope to see you again and speak with you. For now, God bless you, Keep smiling as your family in San Diego loves and cherishes you. By all means (and selfishly waiting for your next blog entry) keep writing!
Loren, I hope you get a chance to read this. Please do not loose hope. Please please do not give up. Just give it all to God. Tell Him you have gone as far as you can now the rest is up to Him.
Just last Sunday a 13month old baby girl was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer went to out church lighthouse christian Fellowship with the entire family believing with all they had. This week they came back with amazing news cancer free!! There is always hope! Just give it all to Him
GOD Bless YoU, Loren Nancarrow,,,,, Each DaY yoU staY yoU wiLL continue tO bE a Blessing tO thoSe oF uS yoU wiLL LeaVe BehinD…….JESUS_CHRIST died so thaT wE might go oN LiVing ForeVer,,,,So i BeLieVe==&& Whether wE StaY oR whether wE gO wE aRe BLesseD †
ThanK yoU for enriching mY LiFe aNd aLL oF San DieGo……Maranatha.
Loren, my dear friend, never give up! I understand the toll that this ordeal has had on you and the family, but you should not roll over and go quietly. Remember, as a bay you can in kicking and screaming. You should go out likewise (maybe with a tad more dignity, though!). I grew up watching you on the news and you are like family. I have followed you down this path and I continue to hope and pray a miracle blesses you. Be brave (I know you will) and know that all of San Diego is here for you.
Thank you for your eloquence and soulful writing. You teach us how to LIVE. I am grateful.
You will know when. We are wishing you peace and love as you travel this journey. Thank you for your immeasurable contribution to San Diego, Loren. With love, Robyn, Duane, Josh and Jared (who is 9 and currently in his 7th month of treatment for ALL leukemia.)
Loren, I believe we are all going where you are. You sound so wise and also a little tired. You have given the San Diegans so much, and now we hold you in our hands and hearts.
Loren, I do believe that we embark on another journey . That the hell and pain we were submitted to here on earth are life lessons. And when your spirit and soul travels on to another destination you will achieve peace………looking forward to the wonder of what we have up ahead on our path. The problem is we have to make this trek alone. I admire you for your honesty and bravery to deal with even the mundane day to day. Thankyou for sharing. You have enlightened us and I am no longer afraid of dying…Our memory, spirit, soul will still be in our loved ones’ hearts. We do live on….but do us a favor! Be there to guide us when we too pass to the other side….your smile will warm and comfort us. God Bless you on your journey. Tenderly, Kimberlye
Loren, I’m glad it’s not today. I felt every word. Loren, NO sunsets, ONLY sunrises. Peace and God’s continued blessings. A friend in La Mesa 🙂
That’s a smart way of thinking about it.
I have tears this is beautiful and the way the city has made you feel really touched me
Hope you see you someday over there wherever that may be
Live each day to it’s fullest! You and your family continue to be on my prayers. Merry Christmas.
Reading RJ Lees ” through the mists” is an awesome depiction of the afterlife, or our real life , depending on how you see it. If you like that, I have more suggestions.
Loren: My wife and I met you a number of years ago, when we hosted some benefits for the Rancho Coastal Humane Society. We very much enjoyed meeting you and Susie. Loren, I can tell you are very brave and we are praying for you. Your post inspires me, as I fight my battle with ALS. God Bless you and your family.
Life is worth living, God is good all the time…I’m a mom who watched her 37 year old son live his life with ALS the very best he could for 2 1/2 years…my blessing is knowing God in all His glory reminded me that with Him I would persevere to live a better more caring life…May God be with you on your journey. Know I love you.
So much wisdom here. Loren you will know. Consider hospice, your life will be easier. I know that sounds strange, but it will help both you and your family. Blessings to you and your family.
Hi Loren, you are the “son” of San Diego and the essence of what the city should be all about; thank you for sharing throughout the years! I was speaking to one of our club members today at the Ximed building where I go twice a month. This wonderful, sweet lady was just diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer in September. She too has been following your story and has been touched by you and your family. She told me she was going to make a donation today to “The Loren Nancarrow Healing Garden” today…. that’s where she will be receiving her radiation treatments and is so thankful for a beautiful place to go. My prayers and thoughts are always with you and your family.
Dear Loren, my hand and many other hands hold yours on this journey. We are all blessed to share this time with you. God bless you all. Love, Audra