When is Enough, Enough?

This business of surviving cancer seems silly at times. Many of you will survive — and each of you are my heroes. Many more of us stand far less of a chance. So my question is for those of us with lower odds — when is enough, enough?

I am truly excited for the next step. Together, Susie and I have tried to envision a butterfly’s metamorphosis. As I transform from this world, I hope to be thrilled by what I experience next — but it’s difficult to imagine what that will be. Will it be bright lights and loved ones? Will I be returned to some place I’ve been before? Or is it simply ashes to ashes?

Eleven months into the predicted 1-3 year ordeal. Susie has read me volumes of books to help me prepare for that next step. Right or wrong, the books help me draw strength and I genuinely feel comforted by the idea that good things lie beyond this life. Not knowing what they are is fascinating, albeit frightening — and the question of “when is enough, enough?” continues to haunt me.

The first 6 months made me want to keep living. Our road trips were so full of hope and time seemed almost limitless. But now the reality: I’m no longer the same person and I can feel life slipping away. Each passing day becomes more difficult and some of the things that once brought me so much joy are now missing — like cooking and gardening. And everyday stuff we take for granted, like driving. I really miss driving.

There are also things that remain intact — my family continues to be present, supportive and loving, my friends stay in contact (almost to a fault), I’m still in awe of each December sunset — and an entire city has made me feel like their son.

So, as for my question of when is enough, enough?

The answer is…not today.



Photo Credit: Tamilee Webb ❤

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345 comments on “When is Enough, Enough?
  1. Anonymous says:

    I remember when my brother asked the same question. And when he answered it. This a uniquely personal question and you will come to know your answer. I hope you also know how much you have given to your entire community and the love and admiration we have for you. I continue to pray for you and your family and truly do wish you peace.

  2. Lisa Braun says:

    My husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2008. I have watched your family experience in one year what I have been trying to digest for five years. Your emotions ring true. Thank you for helping me sort out the emotions and God Bless your family.

  3. Lorraine yniguez says:

    The question when is enough enough is a tough one and can only be ansrewed by the person going thru their own personal journey. Your comments are brutally honest we all think about it but don’t talk about. I am a lucky cancer survivor …. Live in the moment and who’s to say you cannot be a survivor.
    Your story is hopefully putting us all in check on what really matters.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Dear Loren,

    Just want to thank you and let you know we think of you year round for years now . If not for you we would not have a garden in our backyard. You taught me how to grow my tomatoes better!

    One never knows what to say in times like this especially when we have lost loved ones in our own lives. But I do hope you find just a bit of comfort in knowing how many lives you have touched and will continue to touch for years to come.

    Sending positive Wishes your way!

    Alice & Family

  5. Ralph Phillips says:

    Dear friend, the Bible says that Jesus Christ came down from heaven and lived a perfect life that we can never live because of our sin. The Bible says that even on our best day we sin. We are all in the same boat. But the great news is that God loved each one of us so much Jesus paid our sin debt in full on the Cross. I put my faith in Jesus Christ and God promises I will go to Heaven when I die, because it does not depend on if I’ve been good enough. The Bible says call on the name of the Lord and you will be saved. Thru a small prayer to God you can receive Jesus as your savior. Read Romans 10: 9-11 Christ died and rose on the third day and is waiting to hear from you, I pray you will call on Him, and this salvation is for you and your family. God so loved Loren that He gave His one and only Son and if He believes in Him he will have everlasting life. John 3:16 In the old testament God required a blood sacrifice for sin, it all pointed to the coming of Jesus when He would pay for all sin for all time. Its up to us to accept it, I pray you will Loren and I will continue to pray everyday for you , God bless you and Family. Ralph

  6. Mr. Nancarrow, I want to give you and your family my heartfelt thank you. As through your arduous journey, I’ve virtually ridden the roller coaster with you. I’ve been deeply touched and have cried more than once. Since I tend to be a rather controlled person, I’m most grateful that my feelings for what you are enduring also represent the feelings I have for those in my family who are also fighting life threatening illnesses.. My mother, who is 94 yrs old is the one for whom my feelings are the most sad and complicated. She has suffered much in her lifetime, both physical and mental, and yet enough is not enough. Whether through illness or through natural end of life struggles each day that my family members hold on is a gift. I will accompany them all to the time each says enough is enough. I will also praise God for taking them on their next adventure. To you and yours I wish comfort and joy as well as a peaceful holiday season.

  7. Brad Willis says:

    When *is* enough, enough? That’s a very good question. My initial inclination is to say, “Keep fighting it until there’s no more fight left in you!” But that’s easy for some of us to say, isn’t it?

    Keep fighting the good fight. The situation is difficult, but it’s great that you are surrounded by so very many friends and loved ones. Your family seems terrific. Best wishes, Loren.

  8. RosieSD says:

    All shall be well. And all shall be well. And all manner of things will be well.

    Peace to you as the new year dawns.

  9. Shelley says:

    I’m sitting here in my moms hospital room reading your email and I have been asking the same thing. My mom went for an MRI this last Friday and we were told to go to the er at scripps Encinitas. We were told the news that she had a 4cm mass with edema and a midline shift. They did surgery on Sunday and were told its a GBM 😦 not a great out come. We just lost our dad 1 and a half ago to multiple myeloma too. She is a woman who was very active and very strong in her faith. She is having a hard time with this though. At 84 she has lived a very good life. I hope she can let us know when enough is enough. Love to you and yours 🙂

  10. Anonymous says:

    Dearest Loren and Family,

    I cannot imagine what all of your hearts and minds are going through, for that, I am humbly sorry.

    For me, I can only “imagine” where you’ll be next!

    You have stored SO MANY Treasures in Heaven, you are a model when it comes to being a good man, husband, dad and friend. You love unconditionally, you help those in need, you still do!

    It is said, a day in Heaven is better than your best day here…hard to “imagine.”

    This song brings me to my knees, it wrenches my heart, I smile and cry happy beautiful tears. I am hopeful, I am convinced, it will be my best day ever.

    God brought you here to do exactly what you have done, He wouldn’t let it all end for nothing, you are far too special for that!

    I’ve never even met you, but I love you. I love your beautiful family, your wife who endures your every triumph and your deepest sorrows. Your kids are close to the age of mine, I can only image. But I have sang, played, and imagined with the words to this song with them since they were young…..They know I will dance!

    Much Love and Sweet Blessings to you and your exceptional family & friends.

    Carol Ott-Barraza

  11. Dear Loren, Susie, Hanna, Britta and Graham,
    This is so hard for me to write having lost my husband to ALS this last April. Loren, you have given the world your love and thoughts and knowledge. We will never forget. I wish now I had written down all those Loren gardening tips. I knew you were only a phone call or an email away for an answer.
    When is enough enough? Only you and your maker can answer that. The hole in this world that you will leave is huge and will always be filled with love. Sharing your life and disease with us has brought an entire county together in a huge fight for your health and healing and support for the entire family.
    I want Susie and Britta (I know them best) that I am here any time they want to share, cry or just sit and wonder why. I have a huge support system and I find myself in support of so many others that need me too. From my giving, I get so much. I know you all understand this.
    My prayers are with all of you and I offer what ever I can to help. This is me saying…been there, done that. It is not fun, but you are leaving wonderful memories for 1,000’s to remember.
    I have helped to make your garden idea work and hope that it comes to life for you. You have have always given and this garden idea is one of the best.
    When is enough enough? When you have done it all and your body says, “hey, today, enough is enough.
    Love to you and the family.
    Jennie McFarling

  12. celliott3657 says:

    I love that you have your immediate family all around you showing you what strength is like. I also love that you have your San Diego family, which includes me too, all around you appreciating your strength. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, fears and laughter with us. We are blessed to have you in our lives. And yes…. you will know when enough is enough…. but (thank God for us) it’s not today! 🙂

  13. John Morin says:

    When is enough enough? That’s in God’s hands. For today, your family and those closest to you, who are walking with you, and who love you, they are the ones whose love for you is the essence of the beauty that fills your heart. Life is precious, and as long as there’s a fighting chance, then enough is for another day.

    May God’s mercy be with you and your family.

  14. Shelby says:

    When is Enough, Enough? It’s so individual. I’ve had cancer three times, all different and the most recent was 6 years ago. Recently I “died” twice on the way to the hospital. I have always believed we turn to dust, there is nothing when we die. I’ve tried to live my life that way. I’ve tried to embrace each day and I haven’t always succeeded. However, I have to re-examine my past beliefs. Because on that day I “died” I saw something. A very long dark tunnel with a light at the end. And what appeared to be two human forms peaking around each side. I felt completely at ease. There was no fear, no anxiety. I remember thinking, “so this is what it’s like”. I am no longer afraid to die and I still have much to do before that happens. I am not religious. I do believe that something happens when you die, as I’ve seen it. My best to you and to your family. To open up to the world like this takes amazing courage.

  15. Annie Durkin says:

    Dear Lauren,
    I don’t know what the “plan” is, but I think you have done so much for so many of us on THIS side of life, and for that I thank you. I do believe that once you have traversed that fine line of the body’s life to the afterlife, you will still be able to touch those you love. My mother came to me several times, in visions, to tell me that I was doing a good job being a mother. I feel her love daily, and I am certain that you will be able to surround your family with your spirit. As to when enough is enough, I offer you another story – in death there is also humor, of sorts. My cousin, a highly respected Math professor at a College outside of Charlotte, was hit by a car in a crosswalk and thrown 20 feet in the air. He was in a coma and on life support for 8 days. When it was apparent that he had no chance of surviving or returning to normalcy, his family decided to remove his life support. They chose 3:14 in the afternoon (which is pi) thinking that the irony would not be lost on my cousin once he crossed over. He waited until 10 hours later to make his exit…so even for him, I believe he chose when enough was enough. I am now going to try to post some sunrise and sunset and moon pictures on your website, as this is something I can do for you. God Bless you in this journey.

  16. Laurie says:

    Thank you so much for your post. They touch me so deeply. You are very brave to share this journey so honestly with us.. I too miss driving. I pray for your continued strength and joy and love..I am also enjoying the sunsets. Love and Hugs, Laurie

  17. Anonymous says:

    Loren, there is a wonderful essay that has really moved me. About page 10, a story is told about Dr. Susan Block, who is professionally involved in death and dying issues, but nevertheless fell apart when dealing with her father’s declining health. But the father had his own answer to “When is enough, enough”. In discussing possible medical interventions he asked, “Will I be able to eat ice cream? Will I be able to watch football on tv?” Those were his lines in the sand regarding survival. I haven’t figured mine out yet (surely I have time, right?) but I know I”ll be copying his approach. Google “Letting Go” and Dr. Atul Gawande.

    Thank you for sharing your heart and your process with us. It helps keep the conversation going, and to chart our own pathways for ourselves and those we love.

  18. Jan says:

    Hi Loren, I’m a transplanted Bostonian who landed in your fine city 14 yrs ago. I gardened a bit in New England soil, and you have taught me how to embrace San Diego climes and deal with clay and snails and more via TV, articles and books. I’ve always thought so fondly of you, although have only met you in person once at a neighbor’s holiday party (King/Ari). But it wasn’t until the last 11 months when you have made the most difference for me & my family. I think about you and your family daily, I read every post, I get goosebumps and tear up, imagining if this is how a practical stranger is moved by your journey and your family, geesh! …….. Anywho…. I just wanted you to know you’ve made a difference in my life. I strive to be a better mom, a better girlfriend to my hubby (really admire you & Susie!), and overall a kinder person wherever I stroll. What a shining example you are and will continue to be!!

  19. sally whitlock says:

    I well remember a warm summer evening in Balboa Park, while walking to the Old Globe to enjoy a performance in the Festival Theater, you were preparing to do a weather broadcast on the little bridge that connects to the parking lot. I stopped for a brief chat and asked for a hug. You gave me the biggest bear hug ever! Now, Loren, I am sending you the biggest bear hug I can muster and not letting go!! Life has a beginning and an end; love is a circle, with no beginning and no end. Loren, you are surrounded by many circles of love. Many blessings to you and your family. Your strength is truly inspiring. Thank you.

  20. Cecile Fleetwood says:

    Dear Loren & loved ones> my husband, Lou, & I spend many enjoyable afternoon & evening watching you on local newscasts. We learned a lot about composting, planting & beneficial nematodes(?). We loved your humor & serious moments. We were pleasantly surprised to see you reporting on the ‘big’ earthquake from San Fransisco. (That was our Loren!) & were so glad when you came back to San Diego.
    On Dec. 1, Lou lost his battle with Hepatitis C & liver cancer. Only you can decide when ‘enough is enough’! Lou fought a good battle & so have you. You will be missed by many, especially your family. But there is some comfort to the survivors for you to be out of pain & misery. Be strong while you can & love as much as you can.

  21. Charlie and Cathy Noakes says:

    This was a really touching post. I don’t know when enough is enough, but I am glad it isn’t today. My husband and I think of you everyday. We are praying for all of you. You are not just any guy on TV, there has always been a special radiance that comes from you. In person it is even more evident. You and your wife continue to be so brave, so all the rest of us have to brave too. We are wearing our blue.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Loren, thank you for what you posted today.
    My heart has hurt since I heard your diagnosis and my heart has been touched by the way you and your family is dealing. I know it is rough behind closed doors, but you are coming out of those closed doors…and speaking again.
    My husband died 7 years ago of a heart attack on Dec 27. Grief is such a difficult thing. I love the fact that you and your wife talk about it and spend time together talking about the future.
    My husband and I have seen you around town.. we watched you on the news…We ate sushi at the same bar… my husband loved your “tips” in the yard… I feel like you are a neighbor.
    I have written before… but I want to say it again tonight. You have meant a lot to me and my late husband. If other North County residents feel that way I feel about you., and I know they do….. you are SURROUNDED by love.

  23. Elizabeth says:

    this really hits home personally as my Lawrence is fighting the fight too. Stage IV pancreatic cancer does not have a good prognosis, especially since it is also in the liver and some lymph nodes. We are at month 20, not bad for a 2-3 month prognosis…Each day we continue to thank God for another day here on earth to spend together. Honestly, I can’t imagine life with out him here to share it…Love to you and Susie and the kids….


  24. Anonymous says:

    Prayers and love go out to you and your family! I have watched you from when you were on Channel 8 CBS. You are one of our favs! Again, Prayers and lots of love to you and yours!

  25. Chloe Rauch says:

    I feel so special to be able to follow you through this journey that I cannot thank you enough. As I have watched you for years during healthy times, I have always liked you, I now love and adore you for helping me and others understand or try to understand what is next and how it feels and what to expect. Thank you so much for your incredible strength and you thinking of all of us during this time. I love you and pray for you.

  26. Leslie DP says:

    Continuing to hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

    • Many of us believe in a spirtual life, that the body we have in just a body and our spirit live-on. Have you ever “thought” of someone and they appear? Have you ever heard a noice or smell and it reminds you of someone who has passed-one? These are our spiritual friends and family members. We do live on. I pray Loren will be without pain, may the new drugs put a reverse on that damn cancer. I know, I was there 20 years ago May10th. FIGHT! GIVE-em all the kicking you can. You are a winner to our community and we are all here fighting for you. Family and friends pulled me though, along with amazing doctors. We worked together as a team to kill that cancer!

      As for your question… When life has lost it’s ability to give us love and joy, when we are no longer ablile to enjoy and function as we once did, then that is the time when enough, is enough. BUT until then, fight!

  27. Anonymous says:

    It is not the end, Loren. You did great things while you were healthy, and in your ordeal have continued to touch and inspire us. We’re grateful for each day you remain with us. You will remain in our hearts and memories.

  28. PAT WALKER says:

    Your post brought tears to my eyes…I pray GODS Peace to you and your Family …I do not know you but over the many years I have learned many things.. I once emailed you and you told me how and what to use to get rid of those little moths that get into my pantry!! Pantry Pest!! WORKS GREAT. So many things…Thanks again for all your help and tips…. You have BLESSED SO MANY PEOPLE…OX

  29. candyekane says:

    You are so awesome Loren. You are one of my inspirations, thru this cancer journey. Thanks for your candor. Your guts and courage are infectious. I feel like we both make a difference in the lives of those whom we are able to reach. When is enough, enough? I won’t know until the day comes when my battered body can’t take it anymore or when my bad days out number my good days. Then I will know.

  30. Sharon muse says:

    Your legacy is the thousands of lives you have touched. The garden I have no doubt will be a beautiful tribute but where you are moving on to will be glorious. Ask Jesus to come into your life and be assured that all His grace and mercy will be with you in His Kingdom. He has blessed you with a wonderful life and is most worthy to handle the rest. His love is eternal Loren.

    • Linda Grace says:

      Yes Sharon, that is my peace in KNOWING where my family and I will be after we leave this world..My faith in my precious Savior Jesus Christ has given me more peace than I deserve…He gave HIS life that we may have everlasting life with Him, if we only believe..Thank you for sharing His wonderful message. And to Loren and his family, have a blessed Christmas and KNOW your time here is in His hands, that is when you will know when enough is enough..Our love and prayers for you and your family. Your are the best

  31. Lisa Van Dyken says:

    Loren Your work and your passions have meaning you touched many of us and will be greatly missed by all of San Diego. My heart hurts for your family and your loss. BUT I am so grateful you shared of yourself and the things that had great meaning for you Thank you It is with a sense of loss I say farewell! Perhaps you can help us here to get it right from the other side. Peace Love and Hope my dear brother of earth….When you have had enough, you will go, and leave many behind sending good wishes and love into our universe !Lisa Van Dyken

  32. Diane Jacoby says:

    I doubt that anyone has the answer. I don’t think that we’re meant to understand it all. I only know that we’re all a part of this life/energy force and I’m grateful for your time here – and for mine as well.

  33. maria de fatima leal ismael says:

    Dear Loren what I have to tell you is live each day as been the last one.Nobody knows when will be tha day of our death, even for you due to your illness.My daughter passed away 15 years ago.Since her diagnosys it was only 9 mths.However she did everything sh wanted and when she was out the hospital.Sometimes she asked me why even praying so much things were going worse and worse and i answered that I did not have this answer.She decided to fight as long as she could stand.So what can I tell? You will know when enough is enough and although we dont understand the ways of God( whatever yoy call Him) He knows what to do when tha time has come. I belive that all of us go to a better place and that we can be in touch with our loved ones. All the best for you and sometimes miracles happen.Maria de Fatima

  34. Thank you for this endearing post. Blessings to you and your family, as you go on your final journey. Leucadians will miss you as will your San Diego news family.

  35. Barbara Brecheisen says:

    I have gained strength,following you on your journey. I had a heart attack and open heart surgery (multiple bypass). Keep fighting, Loren.–Barbara

  36. I feel sad because many in the world will miss you. We all go home someday. I have heard numerous stories of people that died and came back. They did not want to come back but there time was not up. They had more to do. There is no pain and suffering and only love, pure uncondional love. I think everyone is afraid of the unknow.
    I love the new show Long Island Medium…I think she is real and she speaks to peoples dead relatives and they are not up in the clouds somewhere with right here with them. I see it as a veil that we cross through. I have prayed for you and your family everyday since I first heard about it. My husband is a brain tumor survivor (begnign). He is 56 and has lost his job and short term memory and some cognitive skills. He hates being where is is and wishes he had died. He has more to do. I am his caregiver and I feel his sorrow so deeply. I try my best to make it better for him. God Bless You Loren…..You are loved by so many….

  37. Aaron Bembaron says:

    I too have been diagnosed with cancer of the lung and appears to be in my bones as well. I’ve been asking myself the same question growing weary of the pain and diminished capabilities. It is my belief that it also takes strength to let go. To leave loved ones physically beyond, to venture into the unknown. I do not know when “my moment” will come but like you not today, maybe tomorrow or the next day. I truly do not fear death, understand that in life pain is mandatory and suffering is optional and hope to strike a balance between the two, for myself and my family and friends. I believe it takes just as much courage to continue fighting a devastating disease as it does to let go. By the way I too live in San Diego, born and raised. Remember life is about beginnings and endings, a continual cycle that never ceases. Remember love is eternal captured in memory, pictures and even videos. In short I too like you choose to declare “Not Today”… Not Today!

  38. Barbara mullen says:

    I can relate your post, my husband died from lung cancer in April, was hard on all family. Not to be the person you were before, I loved seeing you on the news and a couple times at a nursery. You can garden in heaven and watch down on your loved ones. They will remember you alway.

  39. Sandra Lee says:

    I pray that you and your family TRUST in God and let him carry you all in PEACE. Loren, you have always been an inspiration to this city and you still are and always will be. I wish you many more awesome sunsets to come.

  40. I don’t pretend to know what comes after our time here because I can’t ever remember being anywhere but here but I refuse to believe it all ends with this existence. There is a cemetery in West Palm Beach Fla with a saying over the front entrance which states, “That which is as universal as death, must be a good thing” Somehow, that makes sense to me. Everything that is natural in life always seems to be for a good reason.

  41. Irene says:

    when I was dealing with my daughters brain tumor I had no choice but to give everything up to God to take care of. I began reading the bible which always made me feel calm and at peace, my daughter was only 16 when she passed away but I taught her about God and prayed with her! I have no doubt in my heart that she is with me always and leaves me little signs to let me know she is ok. The angels are taking care of her and I have all the faith in the world that I will see her again. May God be with you and help you find the peace you and your family need at this time. Irene

  42. Barry Jagoda says:

    “Ashes-to-ashes” is the most likely outcome but that should only encourage you to appreciate each passing sunset, and the inspiring love your family and friends demonstrate daily. Very best thoughts to you and thanks so much for your great professionalism, and wisdom.

  43. Carol le beau says:

    With so many unanswered questions, would you consider asking God to reveal Himself to you? He responds to those who sincerely seek truth.
    You know I’m a Christ follower and believe He is”the Way, the Truth and the Life.”
    But He won’t push Himself on you. He’s there just waiting to give you His peace and assurance concerning eternal life.
    Crazy Christians are known for holding up John 3:16 from the Bible at football games.
    Truth is…it’s a power-packed verse with eternal consequences.
    “For God so loved the world (Loren!) that He gave Hus only Son so whoever (if Loren!) believes in Him (Loren) should not perish, but have eternal life.”
    We’re not ready to lose our precious Loren, but time on this earth comes to an end for all of us.
    I challenge you to consider the claims of Jesus and claim His peace.
    I pray not to offend you, dear Loren…
    But to encourage you this Isn’t where it all ends.
    Much love….

    • Hope Branson says:

      Thank you Carol le beau, so beautifully said and explained. Yes, as Christian’s we do know what our life after earth holds for us , There is great comfort,no guessing and wondering because our Lord has made it very clear in the Holy Bible..HIS promise to us. Believe in Jesus ask Him into your heart and be at peace .
      Loren , you have been a very special person to much of San Diego and beyond as you shared so much of your life and surely we hope to meet you in Heaven when it is both of our times to say, Lord..enough is enough.

    • Christine says:

      I too, like Carol believe the baby Jesus was born to be our Savior. It is no coincidence that at this time, Christmas, you are feeling the way you do. This is when we celebrate his birth. He came to earth to be our bridge to a Holy God. He extends an incredible free gift to you, if you but receive it. Life everlasting! Wow, what do you have to lose by telling Him you accept it. You will finally have peace knowing that yes there is more to life than here on earth! Don’t wait to decide…I am praying for you right now…blessings to you and your family…Merry CHRISTmas!

    • Gloria Bunting says:

      Thank you Carol. I was reading this blog and wondering, why isn’t anyone telling Loren that there is a hope and there is an eternity. You’re so right that God will not push Himself on anyone but He is waiting to welcome Loren and anyone else who believes and receives Him as their very own personal Savior, into His eternal kingdom. Not everyone will make it there. No mater how good you are. God wants a relationship with each of us so that He can welcome us into an eternal heaven when our time comes. All we have to do is believe and ask Jesus to forgive us of our sins, and tell him that we do believe in Him and want Him to be our Personal Savior. God bless you Loren and give God a chance. What have you got to loose. Gloria Bunting

    • Thelly Reahm says:

      Thelly in Cardiff by the Sea

    • Debbie says:

      Amen Carol. I pray for the same. Praying for you Loren and your family that Christ will carry you all through this time and always.

    • John Morin says:

      That’s the Gospel of Christ, and it’s fitting that those who know Loran, and know Christ, share with him these truths.

    • Tom Moller says:

      Thank you so much for your words Carol.

      Loren, Given your passion for the environment and your journey we are all on, I think you might enjoy “Leaf by Niggle” a short story by another believer in Christ, J.R.R. Tolkien.

      You can find the story here – http://www.scribd.com/doc/10232245/JRR-Tolkien-Leaf-by-Niggle. A beautiful story of completion that surprises our expectations.

      I got my cobalt blue brother.


  44. Carol Lynn Radler says:

    I do not know you, nor have I heard of you nor your situation. But most of the comments above substantiate what I would also tell you. Get to know Jesus! The only book you need to read is the Bible, all the answers are there, and with belief comes relief knowing there is more after we leave a physical life. Have Faith! Trust in God, he alone knows the plan.

  45. Max Roelen says:

    There is always hope, Loren. I understand your tumor was worse than mine, but never give up hope. As soon as you let your mind start to think about life on the other side, the tumor wins. You have a family who loves you and many throughout San Diego who are behind you. You must adjust your life around your disability. I know it is easier said than done, but you have to try. Like the saying goes, when life gives you a bowl of lemons, make lemonaid.

    Before I had my Grand Mal Seizure, I had no idea I had a tumor growing inside my brain. I held a CDL and enjoyed driving as you did. When the DMV took my CDL away, it was if they took my life away. I still had small seizures for the next year to contend with until I got my meds at the correct dose. I take 3000 mgs of Keppra, aka Levetiracetam. Once the seizures stopped, I was able to get my Class C & M1 back, but will never again drive commercial again. Although I don’t do long trips on the motorcycle anymore, I still enjoy any ride I take. So there is life to live, as long as you have hope & the will to live.

    I wish you the best in your recovery Loren. You live in Californias best city. I wish often I still lived there. Think of the rooftop garden you & your family are working on. Get your mind off the other side of life. Stay tough and together we can beat this cancer.

    Wishing you peace, joy and prayers to you & your family.

  46. Janice says:

    Loren, this post has me so sad. I guess my hope is that you would know that it’s not too late to know for sure that you can go to heaven by just asking Jesus Christ to come into your heart. It’s never too late but I don’t know if I would wait until tomorrow. What a comfort it would bring your family not to mention the overall joy and peace that would encompass these “last days” if that is God’s will if you spent some time with Jesus in your heart before “the end”. I might be wrong about the whole heaven thing…. but what if the Bible is true and I’m right? I guess I will find out your decision, the day after my last day. Gid bless you on this journey

  47. Jon Reynolds says:

    You continue to inspire! You are and always have been a gift to San Diego. I’ve got a great book for you to read (or have read to you). It’s called “Proof Of Heaven” by Eben Alexander and deals with NDE (near death experiences). I feel this book might put you at ease as to your eventual fate. You are and always have been in our prayers.
    Jon & Patti

  48. Theresa Martin says:

    when my dear husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, the doctor told us he had only 6 months. My late husband was tenacious and lived life to the fullest, even in his illness. I frown when doctors put a time on the disease. my husband lived 2 1/2 years past diagnosis. there did come a time when the hospice nurse told us that we should tell him that “it is okay to go” … i think he was staying for those who are still here. he used to always tell me that when he dies, that he did not want me to die with him. he encouraged me to continue to do the things that we did together that brought us happiness. in a way it was his blessing to me. he was such a loving and kind man. he eventually was semi-conscious and i finally told him that it was okay to leave. it was the hardest thing i ever had to do. i was selfish wanting him with me every minute i could get. the love i had for him lives forever in my heart .. it has been 12 years since he graduated to heaven … but now instead of sadness, i celebrate 18 years of fond memories.

  49. Loren, in this season when we all take stock of our blessings, you are one of them for so many of us. What amazing generosity to share your thoughts with us, as only someone who has been a professional storyteller can do with such heart and eloquence. It’s what made you a superb journalist and communicator all these years, and it is what I will think of when I think of you – and think of you I will, today, tomorrow, and whatever lies beyond that.

  50. Nola Wilson says:


    I lost my Mom to cancer in September. She was diagnosed in August, gone just 4 weeks later. I can honestly say that she didn’t make the choice on her own, her body did it for her. Given a choice, she would have fought much longer than she did.

    I’m happy for you that you had time to be with your friends and family. I don’t think any of us ever come to terms with the knowledge that we are approaching the end of our time, but I agree with you, there comes a time to lay down arms and give up the fight.

    Many blessings to you and your family as you continue on this journey.

    • Roger Hickey says:

      What an awesome outlook. I don’t know about others, but I have always pondered what I would be like in your position. I can tell you I never envision me being as strong as you are, or as inspiring as you. I want to be, but even as blessed as I am to have my health, I say when is enough enough? Your story has made me feel like what a cowardly thing for me to even think with me having my health and family.
      If that ever happens to me, I hope to gain the strength and pass this test as you. For now I pray that you are a future miracle story and we can just talk about what you learned for many years to come.
      Your story has been shared to us by Rick and Steph

      Take care and try to stay strong

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