The Forgotten Blog

Posted on March 26, 2013 by lorennancarrow — 99 Comments

{Click to listen to Loren read this post: The Forgotten Blog}

I had the greatest idea for my next blog post while I was in the shower this morning. Trouble is—I forgot what it was. That’s one of the new things that I’m experiencing. My short term memory is being zapped by the radiation. I think I set out to write about the way cancer therapy kicks a person’s @$$—and the fact that I was hiding from the side effects. I’ve begun distancing myself from friends and coworkers out of fear of being seen while I’m not at my best. By not at my best—I mean my words are slurred and my hair is falling out (no seriously it is).

Recently, I’d started adding audio to my blog. But with the last 2 posts—I avoided that. I used the excuse that I was too tired, too busy or too [insert cancer excuse here]. But the truth is—I had lost confidence in my voice. My particular tumor was on the left frontal lobe which controls the right side of my body and my speech. I now have very limited use of my right hand—I dropped a watermelon at Seaside Market today for example (shout out to the guys who had to clean it up).  And as I continue with radiation, some of my good brain cells (near the evil ones) are caught in the crossfire. Long story short—my speech is on a downhill slide.

We set out to make this blog an honest look at one family’s journey. So, today I’m gonna try again. The changes in my voice will be subtle—but they’re there—and hopefully temporary. So don’t judge me too harshly when you listen to today’s audio version.

Oh now I remember that blog idea I had in the shower this morning! Did you read the Union Tribune article this weekend about the Ramona couple busted for growing medicinal marijuana?! I guess I’ll save that for my next post. Remind me if I forget.

Loren

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When Life Gives You Lemons

Posted on March 25, 2013 by lorennancarrow — 48 Comments

Here’s a piece I wrote for San Diego Magazine. You can find it in their April 2013 issue. I hope you like it.

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My favorite news photographer likes to tell me I can do anything with a couple of lemons. Need to keep an avocado fresh? Squirt a little lemon juice on it before you put it in the fridge. Wanna clean some copper? A squeeze of lemon helps out. Well, life recently handed me a whole bushel of lemons.

Ironically, on January 31, I had surgery to remove a lemon-sized cancerous brain tumor. I couldn’t find much use for that particular lemon. I’ve spent the last several weeks wishing this phase of my life could be as simple as coming up with one of my do-it-yourself remedies. Got a tumor? Baking soda and white vinegar should clear that puppy up. The reality is it will take a neurosurgeon’s knife, an oncologist’s concoction, and a radiologist’s isotopes to do the trick this time.

Following the surgery, I thought it might be fun to get my nails painted a Milk-of-Magnesia-bottle-blue. There’s no deep explanation for this; it just struck me as a soothing color. What I hadn’t anticipated was that suddenly hundreds of friends, neighbors, and coworkers joined in the cobalt blue movement by sending in photos of them with blue nails. It was a show of support I had not expected and it still chokes me up.

I don’t know how this chapter of my life will end. I’m hopeful and I’m treating it much as I’ve treated other challenges in my life—with hard work where it’s needed and plenty of jokes where they’re not.

By the way, if you’ve been part of the cobalt blue movement you may have noticed that blue polish can discolor your nail beds. Guess what? A little lemon juice soak will clear that up quite nicely.

Go figure.

Loren

Thank you San Diego Magazine!

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The Newsroom

Posted on March 22, 2013 by lorennancarrow — 42 Comments

My friends tell me I have a horrible knowledge of popular culture. If you reference the Kardashians, I’ll assume you’re talking about one of OJ’s attorneys. My ignorance runs the gamet—from Hawkeye Pierce to Marsha Brady all the way to Simon Cowell. The annual Academy Awards are usually a compilation of stars I don’t know from movies I haven’t seen. I blame these holes in my social development on decades of working the night shift in a T.V. newsroom. Think of all the date night movies I’ve missed. Think of all the family couch time watching American Idol that went on without me.

All that changed in January. Suddenly, I can quote characters as diverse as a meth peddling chemistry teacher on Breaking Bad to a downtrodden housemaid on Downton Abbey. And trust me, I know all of Stewie’s best lines from Family Guy. Since cancer sidelined me from the news, I’ve had plenty of time to keep my TiVO humming with past episodes of shows I never knew existed.

One show in particular has me longing to be back at my job and wishing I could be half the journalist that Will McAvoy is. If I’m a little ahead of you on the popular culture calendar, Will McAvoy (Jeff Daniels) is the lead character on the HBO drama The Newsroom. Creator Aaron Sorkin is a freakin’ genius. The Newsroom follows the daily workings of a…wait for it…newsroom. I find myself missing my coworkers and the routine of choosing tonight’s top stories and how they will be presented. To all those producers, directors, writers and editors that have been so much a part of my life: I sure do miss you guys. 

Now get out there and speak truth to power. Our words and pictures are still the most powerful tool we have to make a difference.

Has a T.V. show actually made me teary eyed?! I gotta get back to work.

Loren

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Down on the Corner

Posted on March 20, 2013 by lorennancarrow — 80 Comments

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I got the news today that I’m half way through my radiation/chemotherapy routine. I was surprised I wasn’t farther along, so I hope my healers will forgive me for not popping the cork on the champagne. So let’s send up a cheer for the isotopes who have given their half-lives to save mine (half-lives? get it?). The chemotherapy is just a pill at bedtime (along with a little anti-nausea booster). The radiation requires a daily commute. So, during today’s nuclear session, I realized that, unless you have had experience with cancer, you may not know much about this scary-sounding radiation process. There are probably several different methods of radiation—what I know is what I’m experiencing.

5 days a week, for 6 weeks I visit a medical team that lights me up. Prior to treatment, they made me a custom mold of my head (see image below)—-I think they had to send away for extra material to accommodate my big chrome dome. The only challenge, thus far, has been the monotonous soundtrack to my treatments. I like John Fogerty but I will forever associate “Down on the Corner” with being zapped. Each day is the same as the last—I lie down on a table, have my mask snapped into place and spend the next ten minutes hearing a series of clicks and hums with CCR playing softly (but not softly enough) in the background. For me, I like to use this time to meditate and repeat healing words.

All in all, the experience isn’t bad—just a tad bit inconvenient and repetitive. The technicians are extremely nice and they don’t mind when I bring family members in to show off their make-me-better-machine. To sum it up, I just want to offer a few words of encouragement: 

If you ever find yourself suddenly faced with this seemingly torturous medical sentence—don’t sweat it. You can do this!

Loren


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Life’s Navigation System

Posted on March 14, 2013 by lorennancarrow — 47 Comments

{Loren’s Blog in Loren’s Voice: Life’s Navigation System}

Wonderful invention, the navigation system. Takes you where you wanna go with a minimum of fuss. But the thought occurred to me—what happens to all those wrong turns we used to make? Is it simply time saved? Or are they adventures we fail to experience by traveling the more direct route. Life’s like that too.

We’ve decided to use a combination of Western medicine and Eastern healing arts to help me survive this brain tumor. The Western part—we made our decisions, started our treatments and haven’t looked back. The Eastern stuff has been like one of those old fashioned road trips pre-GPS. Boy have I seen some side streets and back country scenery.

Started with Reiki. Stayed up too late learning Reiki. Met some “interesting” people involved with Reiki. By the way, Reiki is “a form of therapy that uses simple hands-on, no-touch and visualization techniques, with the goal of improving the flow of life energy in a person.” Sounds kinda nice. I hated it. One Reiki teacher kept trying to sell me silken wall art. Another offered unlikely visions that I just couldn’t wrap my head around. It was awkward. I think I’m done with Reiki.

Then I went to a guy who claimed to treat the Dalai Lama. He told me he could heal me by taking my pulse and looking at my pee—in a mason jar. He could be right…maybe. We’ll never know.

Next, I moved on to an M.D. who specializes in nutrition. The doctor may have given me sound medical advice—but he was consumed with selling his books and DVDs. That turned me off. Just in case you’re wondering, I have found a doctor who practices Chinese medicine and acupuncture with whom I’m very happy. He has me on a good diet and he’s now part of my Western/Eastern mix. But, just like those days before cars came equipped with a nice lady in the dashboard, my search took longer but I saw some interesting things along the way.

The beat writer, Jack Kerouac, would’ve celebrated his 91st birthday this week—if his bright light hadn’t burned out so early. His biography is not a manual on how to live a long and healthy life—but he sure did create some fine road trip lessons in the days when we had to make our own decisions on which way to turn. In some ways, I’ve used his philosophy in my short journey to find alternative forms of healing. I met some eccentric people, traveled to some unusual places and, like Kerouac, I don’t know “what’s in store for me in the direction I don’t take.”

“Nothing behind me, everything ahead of me, as is ever so on the road.”
― Jack Kerouac, On the Road

Loren

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FAQs

Posted on March 11, 2013 by lorennancarrow — 51 Comments

[Click to hear Loren read this post: FAQs]

I recently disappeared from my weekday newscasts on Fox 5 San Diego. Boy has that led to a lot of questions! So, let this post serve as my Wikipedia page.

First things first…Was Loren Nancarrow fired?

Heck no! I love my employers and last time I checked, they feel the same about me ( I ask them all the time). I am on extended sick leave—something to do with a brain tumor. It’s a bad one and I’m undergoing chemo and radiation for it right now. My mind is just fine but the blob left my right hand sort of useless. This seems like a good time to introduce you to my daughter, Hannah, who types as I dictate and manages my new online persona. In other words, she’s my right hand (Hey guys, I’m Hannah).  Not sure when I’ll be back on T.V. but I am working toward that goal.

How old is Loren Nancarrow?

I’m too damn young to retire—but old enough to get a discount at the movie theater.

Where is Loren Nancarrow from?

I was born in Seattle, Washington but moved to Miami, Florida before I formed any impressions of the Northwest. Stayed there long enough to know I like palm trees. I grew up in Fairfield County, Connecticut. My dad opened retail stores for a big chain and by the time I went to 1st grade, he’d settled down into managing them. Connecticut is a great place to grow up—clear meandering creeks, gorgeous ancient hardwood forests, thousands of lakes with rope swings. Get the picture? Currier and Ives postcard. Just one problem with Connecticut: November to May. Remember, I like palm trees. From the time I arrived as a 6 year old, I had them stuck in my mind and vowed to return to their lack-of-shade—somehow, someway. I was the youngest of 4 kids so by the time I graduated high school my parents seemed happy to have me go far away—I did. I packed my bags and headed West to the booming metropolis of Goober Gulch, New Mexico. On Mapquest it’s called Portales. That was my home for the next 5 years.

Who were Loren Nancarrow’s parents?

As I mentioned, my dad was a department store executive. He worked a lot and our relationship was sorta like that Harry Chapin song “Cat’s in the Cradle”. My dad died in 1990. My mom also worked but her true passion was the theater. I’d often come home and hear yelling in the house and worry that there was a family fight. Thankfully, it was just my mom practicing for her latest role in one community theater or another. She’s still “acting out” at 94.

Who is Loren Nancarrow’s wife?

For the past 27 years I’ve been married to the former Susie Fleming, a local girl who grew up in Cardiff-by-the-Sea and graduated from San Dieguito High School. She is the amazing love of my life and the person who makes me look better and smarter than I am. She owns her own real estate brokerage, Nancarrow Realty Group. Forgive me (a moment of pride) but she’s the best Realtor in the country. I’m crazy about her.

How many kids does Loren Nancarrow have?

Susie and I have 3 kids. The oldest is Graham (24 years old and not named after the cracker). He’s a real estate agent and rising country singer/songwriter in a band, ironically named, Nancarrow. Our second is Hannah Jane (23 years old  and not named after the Hootie song) is  typing this as I speak. She’s a social media marketing genius who inherited my short legs—and big head. Number 3 is Britta (19 years old and not named after the water filter). She’s a sophomore at C.U. Boulder and lovingly came home ’til we get this whole cancer thing worked out. Visit her at the hostess desk at Jake’s Del Mar—tell her Loren sent you.

Why does Loren Nancarrow wear cobalt blue nail polish?

Funny story, on the day I got out the hospital following brain surgery, Susie wanted to get a mani/pedi (or whatever you call them) and I went with her.  So, I jokingly said I wanted to get my nails painted and Susie said that cobalt blue is a healing color. And…BOOM….blue nails. I posted a picture of them that night. Within hours local radio host, Sam Diego, showed up on my newsfeed with his own cobalt blue nails. A movement was born. Since then, I have received hundreds of pictures from you, showing your support in a colorful way. All I can say is “Thank you. It’s touching.”

My Life in the past 2 months is not something I asked for but I accept it and I see it as my latest journey. My senses are sharper, my appreciation is deeper and each experience holds more wonder. Thank you for all the concern you’ve shown and for the kind things you’ve said about my writing.

Loren

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The Evolved Pelican

Posted on March 11, 2013 by lorennancarrow — 30 Comments

[Click to hear Loren read this post: The Evolved Pelican]

A Japanese scholar once said “The art of life is constant readjusting to your surroundings.”

Another weekend, another day at the beach. And, if possible, it was prettier than last weekend. Last week’s dolphins were replaced by this week’s brown pelicans. Starting in the late afternoon, small schools of fish were easy pickings for the feathered dive bombers. Every few seconds another seabird splashed down only to struggle back into flight before torpedoing back again…and again. To be an effective predator, you gotta get more calories out of your food than it takes to chase it. Lumbering back into the sky over and over is not much of a living. I’ve always been surprised that pelicans have succeeded as a species—but I’m so happy that they have. They’re the peaceful Air Force that keeps watch, shadowing our coast hour after daylight hour.

In the middle of today’s pelican fishing, I noticed one that looked really bad. It was sitting dejectedly outside a camper van at the beach. It looked like it had smelled its last smelt and was about to take a trip skyward on angel’s wings instead of its own. When my kids arrived for our beach picnic, I mentioned the pelican to Hannah, who said “Dad? Aren’t you going to try and save it?” Which got me to thinking about a question that often baffles me: “Do species ultimately suffer when humans interfere with the sick and dying?” Anyway, back to the suffering pelican; I decided, for the kids’ sake, I better call Sea World or whoever it is that saves pelicans (by the way, their number is 619-226-3910). And as I was looking out to sea, making the phone call—a warm rush of feathers passed by my head. Turns out the damn pelican didn’t need rescuing after all. Apparently, it shows up at the same time, at the same van everyday for dinner. He’s way more highly evolved than his pelican pals: He’s trained a human to feed him—no calories expended at all. So what did I learn from my day at the beach? Survival requires adaptation.

Adapt and rule.

Loren

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Throwback Thursday

Posted on March 7, 2013 by lorennancarrow — 50 Comments

[Please click here for the audio version of this post: THROWBACK THURSDAY]

Let’s throw it back to an earlier Thursday when chemo and radiation were not on my mind—but saving democracy and the Earth were. Let’s throw it back to Loren Nancarrow the troublemaker—the guy who says what he believes even at the risk of sharing a point of view that is unpopular. I do this to spur conversation and not to alienate. If you’ve read my posts in the past or heard me speak, you know I am, at times, distrustful of big business. The profit motive has led corporations to do things that are harmful to people, to the planet and to our system of government. When billions of dollars are at stake, the effects of sugary soft drinks on customers’ health are easy to overlook. When trillions of dollars are at stake, it’s understandable how oil companies see benefits in denying climate change. Don’t get me wrong—I’m a believer in free enterprise and know it’s the reason I’ve grown up in relative comfort. Still, when our government is beholden to big corporations and decisions are made for their benefit, rather than ours, we face great peril.  That’s the case too often these days.

My recent experiences have led me to add the health insurance industry to my list of business-bad-guys. For the first time in my life, I’ve seen that the health insurance industry is not our friend. As you can imagine, the bills and the insurance company’s response to them are stacking up. It has taken a very short time to see that insurers try to wear down the insured in order to keep from paying the cost of claims. Some examples: my oncologist is using a combination of radiation and chemotherapy, the “standard of care” for my particular brain cancer. The insurance company began by approving 5 pills instead of the 23 prescribed—forcing us to fight for the remaining 18. Meaning the medicine will not arrive in time to be dispensed as prescribed. That same insurance company denied the emergency MRI that discovered my brain tumor—because it wasn’t pre-approved. Eventually, I believe they’ll approve the necessary treatments. But not without a battle—at a time when what we really need is peace. I mention this as part of my awakening to the frustrations already faced by so many of you.

Health insurance is expensive. It should be there for those who need it. It should help people get better. I’m not sure if the new healthcare act is an improvement but from what I’ve learned so far is consumers in the current insurance system deserve an upgrade from what’s offered. So let’s get out there Americans and fight fight fight! For better food! For cleaner air! For a health insurance system that actually helps us get healthy!

Ah, there. I’ve gotten my political rant out of the way. Now, let’s have some fun. Next time: the real Ron Burgundy—tales of San Diego news in the ’80s. Glasses were bigger, sideburns were longer and pants were rarely worn behind the anchor desk.

Loren 

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Wow! What a ride!

Posted on March 5, 2013 by lorennancarrow — 56 Comments

[Please click to hear my audio version of this blog post: Wow! What a ride!]

Today I began a new project: a podcast. They tell me it’s like a blog with audio. Or, if you prefer, T.V. without the pictures. I got this thing handled. Here’s what you can expect: life as I see it. It’s not a cancer podcast. It’s not a life-is-the-same-for-loren-the-way-it-was-6-weeks-ago podcast. It’s a this-is-the-quirky-way-I-view-life podcast. Hopefully, it will be insightful, irreverent…and occasionally funny. Any of you who have gone through a “life changing experience” probably already understand the things I’m now learning. Everything you do—no matter how ordinary—is viewed in a new light. Time speeds by because there are suddenly so many things we want to do now that we are aware of a possible expiration date.

Some weird examples come to mind—I’ve had a German Shepherd by my side since childhood. I’ve literally never been without one. The hardest part of owning any dog is when they get old and die. Ayla, my beautiful and devoted canine shadow, is at that age where I start to worry how long she has. For the first time in my life the thought occurred to me—which one of us will go first? Don’t get me wrong—I’m not giving up and never will. I will be dragged kicking and screaming from this body (despite its’ many flaws). Those are just the kind of thoughts that now come up.

This last weekend Susie and I took the new R.V. to our favorite beach. Susie spent the time talking to real estate clients, doing paperwork and chilling. I meditated and stared at the ocean with an urgency I had not felt before. I was rewarded by something I hope to see a thousand more times. A pod of pacific white-sided dolphins appeared directly in front of us, where a small wave was curling. They stayed in that spot for 3 hours, surfing the incoming swell and jumping back through the waves as they broke. I mentioned the specific kind of dolphin for a reason (not just to be Mr. Science). These are a pelagic species rarely seen near shore. They are about half the size of a bottlenose dolphin and far more athletic. Eco-geek that I am, I wanted to run up and down the beach stopping Frisbee players, romantic couples and family units to shout “DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT’S GOING ON RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?!”

For me, time just keeps speeding past. I don’t want to miss another sunset, another milestone in my kids’ lives. I’m not pushing for grandkids but I don’t want to miss them if they come. I want to see my boy’s name up in lights and see both my girls achieve all that they dream. It’s weird how time takes on new meaning—and it’s not a bad thing. Suddenly, no moment is wasted and there is no time to dwell on the negative. I know that many of you figured this stuff out long ago. I’m just so happy to have joined your fraternity of enlightenment.

Let me leave you with a final thought I borrowed from Gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson:

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”

Loren

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The Nancarrow Podcast Coming Soon…

Posted on March 2, 2013 by hannahjanenancarrow — 18 Comments
 
Fox 5 San Diego News Director, Rich Goldner, described Loren’s voice as a warm blanket—
so cuddle up and get ready for The Nancarrow Podcast!
 
Coming this week…

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