A Blown Fuse and Safe Harbor

An Update From Susie:

Sea Lions barking outside, the sound of water clipping the shore as we rest in Morro Bay. Living in the moment. Loren had fluid drained from his brain on Thursday and was released on Saturday. We left for a drive in our van, Sunday morning. Day One (Sunday) Loren didn’t feel very good…after all he’d just had brain surgery.

We picked up new medication and started down the road when the “beeping” began. The entire day a beep,beep beep in our van. Loud music was the only cure and under ‘normal circumstances’ all would be well. Just can’t categorize this under ‘normal circumstances’… Loren didn’t feel good, my body didn’t cooperate—having symptoms of PMS, irritation, frustration, the VAN WAS BEEPING FOR THE love of $#%!

7:00pm we arrived at small hotel in Santa Barbara and after a stressful sleep associated with having brain cancer.  We awakened Monday with a new attitude. Monday morning, we/I dropped off a petition to the Santa Barbara Police Department for ticket issued to us at 7:01 am…Apparently we parked in the “loading zone” but NO parking zone 7:00-9:00am, in front of the hotel, the location they suggested we park. Yes I really did adjust my attitude 🙂 maybe I should have just paid the $53.00 ticket, it didn’t feel right to me.

Actually nothing would feel right to me at that moment, so why not challenge the ticket?

After this, we headed to my favorite store for tool belts and gear: ACE Hardware. Bought a 10 amp fuse and Loren taught me how to determine if the fuse is blown…THE FUSE HAD BLOWN. Corrected the beeping and we were on our way to Hwy 1. We feel good, my sweet man replaced my fuse (again).

Tom Petty blasting on the stereo, ‘California’s been good to me, hope it don’t fall into the sea,” loving life, laughing, reflecting, feeling “normal”. Found a cute little dive on Hwy 1 and slept in Room 3 for the night.

Awakened today, Tuesday 4/23/13, with a stomach ache. Loren battled all day, not feeling good. Once we were on straight road, Loren slept while I drove. I missed my beautiful partner, felt helpless seeing him in pain. During ‘our drive’ today, I stopped and took pictures often, talked to my dear friend Pam, told her I was lost and didn’t care, cried.

Loren slept, I drove through gorgeous Oak Forests, thinking of their roots and their slow sturdy strength.

Now, here we are in Morro Bay, California. Loren wanted a harbor with barking Sea Lions, fog horns, the clang of pulley’s and winches.
We’re in a safe harbor and the blown fuse has been replaced. Tomorrow is a new day. This being human IS a guest house…Thanks Rumi, I’m understanding, memorizing and learning.

Susie

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79 comments on “A Blown Fuse and Safe Harbor
  1. george milne says:

    So,,,I have heard that there is a brain drain in San Diego. I didn’t know it was Loren. Well, I am jealous of your drive. I have riden my bicycle down the coast from San Francisco to Encinitas three times. I know the good campgrounds. I would love to point them out to you. You can email me at geoamilne@yahoo.com if you want to and I will down load my preferences. Here’s a trick: most campgrounds hold the sites until 5 p.m. after which you can claim one if the people who reserved it haven’t arrived. So it is a not a bad idea to hang around by the pay booth until 5 p.m. and then check if any sites are available. If there are no sites, you can still move on to a motel somewhere down the road and backtrack the next morning to see what you missed yesterday.My experience is that almost no motels are full during the week. Friday and Saturday are likely full, but they will call around for you to find someplace. There is a book called ” The California Highway 1 Book,” by Rick Adams and Louise McCorkle. It is out of print now, but you might be able to find it in a bookstore along the way. I bought mine in Santa Cruz years ago. ISBN 0-345-31855-2 Ballantine Books, October 1985. It is called an “odology,” whatever that means. It is full – FULL – of stories.
    I am so jealous…..wish I was with you.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Making precious memories…supporting your spouse…Love the greatest gift of all. You “get it” Susie Nancarrow….Take care…Lorraine (Mrs.Jack) Moorhead

  3. lavelle snortum says:

    loren and susie, just want to let you know that our thoughts and prayers are with you all the time. enjoy your road trip and please take time to stop and smell the roses.
    snortum family

  4. Jeanette says:

    Bless you both, and thank you for blessing me with this beautiful entry.

  5. Jack Morgan says:

    Having watched my brother’s fight against Cancer, I kind of understand what you and Susie are living and working through your galliant fight. Miss you at 10pm. I pray with, and for you. I wish for you enough. Take care, I love the blogs……..
    Jack

  6. Tammy Downs says:

    As I was reading this blog my eyes started to tear up…when I read the poem I started to cry. I too am going through cancer treatments and one of my strange side effects is severe pain when I get tears in my eyes. The blog and poem were worth it though. I admire your family so much. You are giving me courage and strength. Good thoughts to all of you.

  7. Deb Spoonhour says:

    The raw emotions that you experience during times like these can really suck the energy from you. The ocean has such a healing effect. I hope that Loren is feeling better now and that you have both been able to spend some time resting. I’m relieved to hear that so far the van is the only one to have blown a fuse;)! It’s not an easy road, but you’re rolling with the punches and seem to be navigating this journey with a healthy dose of courage. Sending you both lots of positive energy. Safe travels!

  8. Anonymous says:

    Happy and sad for you at the same time. Love that he taught you how to change the fuse, all the little things.

  9. Janie Klein says:

    Susie, you are incredibly strong! You are a good person. You and Loren together are very special. You are lucky! Prayers are with you. Janie Klein

  10. Joanne says:

    Thank you for sharing your truth with the world. It matters.

  11. Ruth Wolf says:

    You ar both incredible and courageous people. My prayers are with u both and I pray the rest of ur trip will be special in every way

  12. Barbara says:

    I praise you, and Loren for travelling, so far, after brain surgery! After my back surgery, I was good for absolutely NOTHING for at least two weeks afterwards!
    I so love the ocean, and I would love to hear the Sea Lions barking. I am sure Loren loved it. Morro Bay is truly beautiful, and it should bring peace to your soles. I love your blog. I can also smell the salt air and feel the beach areas in your writing as well. Take care, and many hugs to both of you. My prayers are for both of you, to overcome this, and be soooo much better and HEALED, in the future.

  13. magkeep2 says:

    Thank you for sharing, Susie. I wish you and Loren a peaceful trip, now that the beeping has stopped.
    Morro Bay is a favorite of mine. Would love to know the places you stayed up there. I may be taking a trip up there to just get away too. I can see me taking the train to Santa Barbara and renting a car for the rest of the ride.
    Hugs to you both and I hope you find Loren what he is looking for.

  14. Judy says:

    Being together is all that is important….blown fuses, beeping sounds….shared together make a special kind of music. Enjoy the moment…beeps and all! You are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your journeys with us….loving thoughts are sent your way.

    Judy

  15. Joan Hansen says:

    If hugs and best wishes will help, we will all be sending you a ton of them every day. Hang in there. Have a safe trip

  16. Anonymous says:

    I hope you can make it up to the beautiful Emerald City. Hang in there and take it slow and easy. Enjoy every moment of your adventure.

  17. Dawn says:

    Keep on keeping on or whatever the current saying is. It would appear that you are the wonderful strength that will help Loren pull through. Across the table at dinner of leftover pizza, homemade chicken soup, a glass of wine Loren was discussed with love and laughter along with the cancer losses of friends and the survival of others (this number is far greater I might add). The necessity of having family and friends with whom you can laugh and cry and be yourself. My new deed of the day was helping a 91 year old husband change the last of the smoke alarms. You have courage and grit and a beautiful love.

    Dawn

  18. sending you both love and prayers…

  19. Laura says:

    Come home and sleep in your own bed. It makes all the difference.

  20. Andy Casillas Hein says:

    While reading about your beeps, I was reminded of that movie Little Miss Sunshine and the incurable honking van. Your courage to take the “driver’s seat” this time around and open yourself up to the learning what it means and will mean, I applaud you. I hope the post surgery illness passes soon Loren, and Susie dealing with your new “normal” with hugs from all of us.

    • Linda Tegarden says:

      Mr. Hein, as lovely an expression of compassion and kindness as I have read in a long while. I’ll bet you are a dear friend of the Cancer Warrior and his wingwoman…it shows.

  21. John says:

    Sometimes, it takes pain make us open our eyes to what life is and the wonders abounding around us. You and Loren are now experiencing the joys available to (and overlooked by) most of us. Keep on your determined fight as the warriors you all are. Prayers are offered daily on your behalf.

  22. Anonymous says:

    Take and enjoy each day as it comes, I lost my husband form cancer after a long battle with the desease. It wasn’t easy but I learned to take each day at a time and not worry about tomorrow, just enjoy that day.

  23. Maureen says:

    I love that this blog has become a family affair! All we need now is an entry from your other children…no pressure! Susie, when I read this blog, think of your recent TV interview, and even chatting with you in line at the Belly Up, I realize the similarities of our families…a son, a daughter, a young marriage to the love of our life, native CA beach families. That makes this searingly emotional to read. This part of your life’s journey was not in the plan, which can only mean we are all vulnerable. I love the safe harbor and guest house metaphors…I know you, Loren and your children are the safe harbor for each other. Prayers for you all.

  24. Jeanette says:

    What cherished, loving moments you are giving each other. Enjoy and feel every day of your trip. Your support for each other is wonderful to hear. Keep fighting.

  25. Marilyn says:

    I think you need a bigger coach- one with a comfortable bedroom and bath. Sleep in your own digs, ya know! No more/ho tels needed. Happy trails:-)

  26. Anonymous says:

    thank you Nancarrols..

  27. Leslie says:

    My heart goes out to you, and your family! I read all your blogs and love them. I know first hand how hard this is as I lost my dad to the same thing. All I can say is you take one day at a time and put one foot and front of the other and you get going. I am sending you a big HUG and you guys have a great road trip and be safe!!

  28. Rory Cambra says:

    Good stuff!

  29. Teri says:

    Live life to the fullest like there is no tomorrow and love each other to the end! You are a wonderful example of what every spouse should do for the other in good times and bad. Cherish every moment you have together.

  30. Toni says:

    We are on the journey with you both thru your words. Never be embarrassed to cry, it is one way to release emotions that should never be held inside. Get your hands and feet dirty, connect with the earth and worms, as Loren has done before.

  31. Anonymous says:

    Life’s a dream, keep living your dreams!

  32. Anonymous says:

    We fight together,we cry together.It is the Tao of life.Love to you both.My husband and I have felt this pain

  33. Colleen says:

    Enjoy your trip. Stop when you must and take in the scenery. Stop when you want and take in the scenery. Thank you for the update. Good vibrations are being sent up the coast!

  34. Claudia says:

    I praise the both of you for taking this venture, I went through it w/my husband you just want him to be happy and see and do anything they want and cherish every moment! It’s the memories that make everything ok. So enjoy you are both so strong and w/the help of your family you will become stronger. God bless all of you on this journey.

  35. Anonymous says:

    If you get a chance to stop in Cayucos on your way north, it’s such a calm place. Enjoying reading about your journey…

  36. lpietroforte says:

    Lovely. I felt every one of the bumps on your road. Beautifully written.

  37. Fletch says:

    Many thanks for your trip notes. It helps those of us, who have only met Loren on the air, to experience the joy of your discoveries. Small or large, it doesn’t matter.

  38. Bo says:

    do not let Loren be in the statistics, he is a fighter….from a mom to a son thats figthing the same

  39. jane sparks says:

    God bless you and be with you. Im really sorry you have to go down this road Susie but he is really lucky to have you. Best of luck.

  40. Reese Brothers says:

    Good job Susie. For years, Loren has taken the lead, been YOUR anchor…now, you are in the driver’s seat my dear. You’re doing great. Laugh, cry, scream if you must. This is life and you two are going to live it not matter what! Rock on sister!

  41. Anonymous says:

    and the wonderful salty air…

  42. Jane says:

    Hang in there Susie, it sounds like a gorgeous place. I hope Loren feels better and you can enjoy your time together.

  43. Sandy Phillips says:

    Thanks for taking us on this journey Susie and Loren

  44. Lois says:

    Morro Bay is one of my favorite spots in California. I like that it is small and not so touristy. I love the big rock in the water. I hope that Loren is feeling better today. I can tell that you are a strong woman, Susie, but we all have our limits. Crying is sometimes good; a release of the frustration and sadness. Sending hugs and positive vibes to you two.

  45. Ronald Mirolla says:

    Enjoy the moment Susie, for that is all any of us have. Today I learned that a friends 25 year old daughter is at the end of her battle with cancer. Loren has so many gifts to give this world, I hope that he will be around a lot longer. Enjoy the ride, none of us know where ours will end.
    Love & Peace
    Ron

  46. Gayle says:

    My heart goes out to you Susie. Take it day by day, cherish your memories together and the pictures you are taking along the way. I hope both you and Loren feel stronger each day.

  47. Anonymous says:

    Nice writing Susie…much love and prayers to the family!

  48. Anonymous says:

    nothing like a place by the sea & thee …. enjoy!! ♥
    sending light & love & blessings & cobalt blue!!
    m!

  49. Sue says:

    What a beautifully written blog Susie. I can almost smell the salt air and hear the sea lions. Warments wishes, love and hugs to you and Loren.

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