It’s been a rough few weeks. Our road trip to the Northwest was beautiful but I was limited in my ability to get around, so Susie had to do more than her share (and she did so gladly).
Part of learning about cancer is learning a whole new vocabulary. This week, our term is “radiation necrosis”. According to one of my doctors, that means the radiation did its’ job — just a bit too well. So well that it left a rim of scar tissue where the bulk of the tumor once was. This scar tissue is pressing down on my brain and has basically put my entire right side to sleep. Tomorrow we’ll find out if it stays or if it goes (whether or not I’ll have surgery to remove it).
This is all troublingly reminiscent of Susie’s mom, who had this very same cancer while Susie and I were dating. With each surgery, there was a little less of Phyllis left behind. That’s the conundrum of brain cancer; all the available options have high risks. In this case, doing nothing means a loss of function and quality of life, while acting radically (surgery) can either fix things or really mess me up.
So how will I make this decision? Well, I was the youngest of 4 kids and I hated being left in the dust. I felt like I spent all my time just trying to keep up. Cancer has made me feel that way again. So, the answer as to whether or not I’ll choose surgery is an easy one for me. If someone is offering me a way to keep up with the pack (my family), I’ll grab at it.
When this all started I somehow pictured myself being healthy until the end — and then it would simply be over. That hasn’t been the case and that’s what I’m finding most difficult. So my hopes are that in the coming days I’ll have surgery and I’ll awaken stronger, more mobile and ready to run with the pack.
In the meantime, I’m receiving daily foot massages from Hannah, watching way too much Netflix and doing my best to remember that others have it far worse. Mostly, I’m just looking forward to getting back out there with a full head of steam (rather than scar tissue).
I hope some of this will inspire you to appreciate your bodies and put them to good use (perhaps you’ll join The Nancarrow Project Team for the San Diego Brain Tumor Foundation’s 5k fun run/walk later this month).
Nemo liber est qui corpori servit.
Loren
The Nancarrow Project 
From a humanistic standpoint, it’s frustrating that none of us can do anything to help change your situation, but the one who can, your regenerator, is standing by, wishing for you to ask Him to “show up”. It can’t hurt, He is the healer. You are His child, His creation. You’ve gotta know Who’s Your Daddy….He is. Jesus Christ is the lover of your soul and the healer of your heart and hurts. He’s the boo-boo fixer. Reach out. He’s right there.
I spent all day in the garden and thought of you the whole time. You are an inspiration to all of us on so many different levels. Thank you.
-Helen
Dear Loren and Family- You are a constant inspiration to me and, I’m sure, everyone around you. Wish we had a magic wand. Know that you’re always in our hearts and prayers and I continue to wish you and your family the best.
spent all day in the garden today and thought of you every moment. You are an inspiration to us all on so many different levels. Thank you
dear loren,
always love reading your blogs, as well as your families. you are a bunch of great writers.
we love you very much, and your family as well. you are in our thoughts and prayers today and always.
amber, chad and family
Instead of the normal response I would write, I am changing it up. Let’s kick this up. What are you watching on Netflix? Series TV or movies? I want to hear from the new TV and film critic, L. Nancarrow. What is floating your boat? What is making you tear your hair out?(so to speak) Come on reporter, let’s get this party started!
Hi Loren, Stay strong and open minded. And, never ever finish your “to do” list!
Hi Loren. I can’t believe the amount of strength you and your family have during this terrible time in your lives. You are all an inspiration to those of us who have followed you on TV for years and welcomed you into our homes like family. If prayers would do it, your brain wouldn’t have a chance against them. There are certainly “zillions” of us out there praying like crazy. Hang in there and that “dust ” will blow away soon. Hugs. Jackie
Hi Loren! Geesh! I thought the aliens gotcha . So glad you have updated us here. Yeppers, I go along with another post here this day something about soon you will be saying eat my dust! Be well Loren and best to your family.(that includes the dogs as well)
You and your family are teaching us so much through your blogs. Teaching us to Live, Laugh, Love and don’t be “Left in the Dust.” Thank you and God Bless………
Dianna
U R a hero 2 me. Keep on keeping on’
Thinking good thoughts for you and your family Loren. Lost the love of my life to lung cancer a year ago. Stay strong Susie and family..it appears you are cherishing every minute thats good. Best wishes for a successful surgery. Sure do miss you on TV and I still use the christmas tree water recipe!!
My mother went through this, and I thought I’d never see anyone take it on with more dignity, courage, insight and hope…but you have. God’s blessing upon you, Loren.
Hi Loren. Both you & my wife, Nancy Mestyanek, are going through the same thing at pretty much the same time; brain cancer; but of a different vintage, I think.
Nancy was diagnosed in November 2012 with a Grade IV Glioblastoma Multiforme. We’ve had triumphs & failures along our path since then…..unpredictable responses to medical side affects have mostly been our monsters. It’s rough. At times, as rough as it has ever been for us.
Please keep a good attitude (as you have) & push that fist forward…..out there. God Bless you & your wife; the care-giver thing is pretty intense, too.
God Bless……………Harry Mestyanek
Carry on! Wishing you the best!
You’ll pull this off Loren and soon you’ll be saying ” EAT MY DUST”….and get on with it! Bless you and your family xoxo DeeDee
Love your attitude. My friends with cancer have taught me so much about strength and bravery. I so admire you and sending you a lovely hug.
You and your family are doing an awesome job staying (or trying to stay) upbeat. Whatever the future brings, you remind us to try and live in the “now” because you never know what tomorrow might bring. Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us all. You truely are an inspiration to everyone. I can hear how much you want to “get back out there”, and I hope it that will be soon, but in the meantime enjoy those foot massages and movies, and try to let your body have time to heal from all the trama it has been through!
I so understand that “left in the dust” feeling and love that you take on the “go for it” attitude because of it! Your spirit is so Inspiring Loren….as is Susie’s and Hannah’s. I’m so grateful you all are sharing your experiences with us. Big hugs to you all….
You are a true inspiration…….full speed ahead….you can and will do this…..Don’t Stop Believin’ my sweet friend…..you WILL be running with the pack soon!!!! 🙂
Dear Loren,
I am sometimes afraid to read your’s or your families blog, even though I look forward to hearing about how you are all doing,
You have always given us something to think about and now we are thinking about how we can not take our health for granted, Thank you for keeping us up to date on what is going on with you, you are in my prayers and prayers do work.
God Bless you and your family Loren.
I just love your outlook and I am so inspired by all you and your family write on your experience. I think of you all often and appreciate life so very much a little more with each read. Wishing there was a magic wand to fix everything I will just keep sending prayers and positive vibes to hopefully bring you a bit more strength with each coming day… Hugs John and Tracey
Sending positive thoughts and tons of love and support~
You are awesome, Loren! I am currently in the “maybe” zone on the race in Feb. I have been having aching foot syndrome and I am trying to figure it out. I have to wait til closer to the event to commit fully…But, it is in my mind to try to make it and your beautiful family is so loving and you are blessed.
Peace and Love, Allison Kuehn
Loren, you comment ” doing my best to remember that others have it far worse” is something I have to keep in mind as well. Although I don’t have cancer I have Acute Respriatory Distress Syndrome. In short my lungs cannot expand normally since I had Sepsis. I almost died and am very fortunate to only come away with my damaged lungs and to be on oxygen. Tto only be 49 and active with my horses is a big blow and I started to think of all the things I can’t do. However. I can and will lose the weight and move more to get back to riding my horses. And I know that ” Others have it far worse than I…..”
Take care, Josile.
Hi Loren ! It’s me …Kevin Barrett , from the big Oops ! If you remember..I sent you some storm pics that I thought were from my sister Kristy. You aired them and we both discoverd that they were taken by another person. I once called you Tim Flannfery when you were serving food and drinks at an Encinitas school. You scouled and said “Tim Flannery?” Then you smiled and forgave me for my mistake. My sister Kristy is now being treated for a rare cancer that has moved to her lungs. She fights every day as you do. I grew up with you on the TV and said hello in passing to you at Home Depot or the supermarket. I met your family getting off the train at Santa Barbra. You and your family are my family. Thank’s to Susie for sharing with us. Thanks to you Loren for being who you are. Have a beer on the beach for all of us who love and wish you the very , very best.
Your attitude is wonderful, I have often thought that quality counts more than quantity. You
are so loved by your family and the San Diego community. We are all cheering for you. You are adding much to the world.
Your attitude is what heals and you are a true inspiration
I encourage you to look into CBD (Canabinoid ) Two major compounds in marijuana are THC and CBD. Recent findings are calling CBD a cancer killer. My prayers are with you, one of the best broadcasters in San Diego. You have a lot of love around this city. Stay strong.
I watched you for many years on tv and sure miss you and all your wonderful tips! I read each and every entry here amd follow your progress. You have a beautiful family and are so blessed with a great healing attitude. I’m sure you have a gazillion people pulling for you. I’m just one! I’m pulling for you.
Keep on “keepin’ on!” You continue to inspire and we all continue to hope.
You still continue to keep the rest of us buoyed up in spite of the difficulties which keep getting in your way. Nothing but respect for you and yours and prayers for all whom you love as well as yourself.
Dawn
Your messages are so truthful and helps us to understand all this. So very sorry you have to go through it all. Praying for you everyday and always looking forward to hear how your doing 🙂
Best Wishes Loren and thoughts and prayers for you!!!Stay positive!!!You will be out gardening and composting in no time!!!Take Care Miss you on T.V. A fan Susan H. Davis in Oceanside
Loren
To you and your family members. I have a prayer group at Grace Chapel in Oceanside. …. we’ve had been praying for you since the beginning. Our church (the one that has the three guys who were lost two months ago…Yeah that one) although small, believes strongly in prayer. My heart goes out to you and your daily struggles. We all wish we could do more.
Just remember, they’re are still Unicorns……they’re just fatter now and we call them RHINOS. …
Signed
Rhino
You are amazing———prayers are coming your way.
My wife went through a similar situation. You have a great attitude Loren. That’s what will keep you going as long as you want to keep going. Our prayer’s go out to you and your family.
Dear Loren, What do you say to that…your right you have to do what is best for you and have faith that it’s going to work the way it’s supposed to. Thanks for this today, because just today I was thinking that maybe I wasn’t taken the best care of my body and not appreciating how fabulous it all is, and I wanted a day to start…today is that day. More prayers said for you and yours, you’ll get over this hump too, cause that’s just how you roll, not gonna allow to be left…thanks again, Momma of another Loren
Loren, I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you, which, I might add, the toes’ part isn’t easy! I’m wishing only good things for you and your family. With all the positive energy coming to you from all of us out there, you should be cured soon!!! love and hugs, Jeanie
Healing thoughts coming your way. Stay positive. And thanks for the updates.
God Bless you Loren for the brave fight, The choice is hard, but what ever way you choose you will be at peace with it. Peace be with you.
God Bless you
Loren, we are all pulling for you. You will do great, & you won’t only be running with the pack, you will be leading them. Prayers for you & your family always. Much love Linda Gloria
As the youngest of four kids also i say go for it man, corny but better to die on your feet than live on your knees applies here Brother. We got your back right along with the Girls.
Very inspired to appreciate my health and mobility and stop making excuses for getting in better shape. Thank you for sharing your journey, best wishes as you undergo surgery, I hope it helps you keep up with the pack!!!
You are an inspiration !
Dear Loren,
After watching you on tv for so many years I am heartbroken as I would be if a friend is going through this. You have a wonderful character & beautiful spirit that shines brightly ! Thank you for sharing all this with us, I miss you & your great smile on tv. You & your family are in my prayers , God bless you XOXO
Lori
None better than you Loren. Be well, Rob Harriman
We are keeping you and your family in our prayers. We’re currently living in Minnesota, so won’t be able to join the 5K, but will be thinking of you.
You and your family are an inspiration…I know you will be ‘out of the dust’ soon! Stay strong.
You are such a amazing man, and an amazing FAMILY, all pulling together during this most difficult time…God bless you Loren and your family. I pray for you always….Doris Giannini ❤