No Panicking Allowed, These are the Easy Times

As we sit in a quiet sushi bar, Loren’ s seizure goes on longer than usual. I can hear the bones snapping in his hand, the twitching hits all of the joints and fingers in his right hand, filling me with a sense of hopelessness and worry. I hold his out of control hand and arm, while the sushi chef tries to avert his eyes…they’re bulging out of his head.
Loren sees the fear in my eyes, my tears and says “no panicking allowed, these are the easy times.”
Loren is a man: a real MAN…brave, courageous, true and strong.
Not the standard man…he loves gardening, making jam, cooking, writing, discussing politics at inappropriate places, growing organic food, raising chickens, cows and turkeys. We used to raise our own turkeys every Thanksgiving. Like I said, he’s not the standard man. He’s ahead of his time, just as my mom was ahead of hers; with compost piles, recycling aluminum cans, gardens, conserving everything…I grew up with 15-20 second showers. It truly is long enough.
He’s been my best friend for almost 30 years. He’s imperfect, he’s a challenge. He’s a loyal partner, a father who cares, an individual who believes in standing up for what’s right. He’s my best friend…this sounds so smarmy…but that’s who he is.
After about 7 minutes, the seizure moves to Loren’s face and eye. They begin as the hand did, slight movements at first, ending in violent and uncontrollable spasms.
The past two weeks have been filled with doctor’s appointments. The oncologist, the neurologist, the psychiatrist and hospice; yes hospice. There is no giving up in the Nancarrow Code of Ethics. There is an acceptance and resolve that we didn’t have even last week.
Loren is determined to get better. This week, his entire right side is weak. Without help, he’s unable to climb a step. Without help, he’s unable to button a shirt or pants. These are heartbreaking and life changing times. We have so many things to be grateful for. I believe we will be with each other again. Our lives are our lessons and when we’ve completed the lesson, or completed what we’re here to do, we move on. So easily typed… scripted… Watching this confident, opinionated, smart, passionate man, go through this disease with such grace and composure, physically altered but emotionally strong, challenges my beliefs to the core. Almost two weeks ago, he was preparing for his journalism award, with the ever-powerful steroids at the helm. The steroids had been increased because of swelling in his brain. We had a very confident, strong, WHACKY man to live with. With the steroids, came a sense of grandeur and strength that can’t be supported for any length of time, by his family, friends or his own body… they eventually fail to work. The goal is to get the swelling under control and reduce the steroids slowly.
When it comes to the brain everything is a shade of grey… nothing is black or white. Most healthy people don’t volunteer their precious brains for research… we are in need of research, not to help us necessarily, but to help others behind us. The Nancarrow Project is committed to Loren’s interests in Environment/Conservation Issues, Journalist  Integrity and Cancer/Brain Cancer research. We are running as a team in the first annual, 10/20 run, sponsored by the UT in February…please join our team, even if you can’t walk or run it… it’s for a great cause (The American Cancer Society). We’d love  to be the biggest team in the race…10 miles, 20 bands!

This is no time to panic, you’re right again honey.
Friends, Family, Neighbors, Pets and Acquaintances, thank you for your support, your love, understanding and compassion, we are forever grateful.

Our German Shepherd Ayla, awakened me a few nights ago… Loren had fallen down at 2:00 AM. Ayla got in my face with a RUFF< RUFF> RUFFRUFF> RUFFRUFF>$%#$#%@#^>RUFF…WAKE UP!

No panicking allowed, these are the easy times.


Susie

Real Estate Broker, Owner of NRG, Inc. (Nancarrow Realty Group) we are a boutique Residential Real Estate Group. Focusing on personal relationships, technology and business trends in the real estate market. Most important to me is family, music, work, yoga, fitness, playing guitar. We've recently had our personal world turned upside down with the recent diagnosis of my husband having a malignant brain tumor. Coming from a family of writers, especially him... he's inspired me to write.

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102 comments on “No Panicking Allowed, These are the Easy Times
  1. Sheri M. says:

    Susie, Loren, and family, Thank you for your openness and strength during this difficult time. Over the years, Loren has shared so much wisdom with all of us. I know I am a better person for listening to him and reading his books. All of you are now helping guide me into being a better person whenever I will face difficulties in the future. Thank you.

  2. Susie, I need your posts, and I am saddened, yet at the same time I am grateful. Loren has always been the only local news person for me, because he is right on. I am so glad you are there for him, and you will be glad you were too.

  3. Sheri Pacitto says:

    Light to all of you! Sending my love.

    • Anthony says:

      It’s a shame you don’t have a donate butotn! I’d most certainly donate to this superb blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to fresh updates and will share this blog with my Facebook group. Talk soon!

  4. Cat says:

    And I forgot to say,” good dog ayla”, hope you got a special treat!

  5. Ida says:

    Susie, my prayers go out to you and your family.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Hi Susie, You were courageous to share your story about Loren and I want you to know that I will do the walk/run in Feb. too. I think of you often and I’ve always felt that you have a very interesting and impressive family.It’s unfair what you’re all going thru now and I wish his illness didn’t happen. Love, Jennifer Benedict

  7. I too, only know Loren from TV, but for so long it seems as if I know him in person. From channels 8, 10, and 5 he made the local news and weather so much more personable to watch. I’m not sure if that is the correct word, but it sounds good. English was not my strong subject. But cancer is not fair, it has struck my family in my youngest granddaughter. Penny was diagnosed at 11 mos with stage 4 neuroblastoma. She has spent her 4 birthdays in the hospital, but is still fighting. I’m praying for your family.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Susie ~

    I also wrote a little note to your daughter on her blog. I let her know I had a smile on my face as I read her blog today as I sat next to my 24-year-old son while he was undergoing chemo for his brain cancer (a different type than your husband). I love the description of the relationship between her and her dad. When we got home, I saw your blog, and this brought tears to my eyes. I am sorry for this difficult journey for you and your family, the never ending roller coaster. As I told her, family is the most important thing right now, and I will pray for you and your family to have strength and peace as you all go through this journey ~ take care.

  9. nowymps says:

    Thank you for sharing. I’d say no panicking but it certainly doesn’t sound like these are the easy times. Remember easier times and allow those memories to soften these harder times. God be with you.

  10. Carmen says:

    Thank you for sharing, for I know it’s difficult to put it down on words. God is with you all and giving you both strength to give the each other support through difficult time. God Bless to you all.

  11. John Hulsey says:

    Your words inspire me to sign up right now with The Nancarrow Project for the 10/20!

  12. Cat says:

    Oh, I ache for you. I know it is wrenching. Loren really is a gutsy man but you are gutsy too. It was hell sitting there while he seized, I know that as I have been in similar situation. It scares the heck out of you but you have to be all in when situation calls for it. Look what you did, you carried him through, that is love and some people will never feel it like Loren felt it for you and you felt it for him in those moments.

  13. Debbie Westcott says:

    I’m remembering a poem “What cancer cannot do”, but it’s hard. You and your family are all so wonderful. I love the puppy!
    The only way to beat this is to stay strong, and remember how loved you are by sooo many people!

  14. foxtail56 says:

    With you in spirit there Susie. Your all quite a family. Sending you love and prayers as you get through each day. Thank you for all the sharing. You have helped many see their problems as ant sized ones I know.

  15. Anita Lawrence says:

    I have walked in your shoes and my heart goes out to all of you. My husband was my best friend, too, and it is not a “smarmy” saying – it’s the truth. Your entire family is the epitome of grace under pressure and I admire you for that. Blessings to all of you.

  16. Cherie says:

    My continued thoughts and prayers are with all of you. May your faith, hope, and the love of family and friends continue to support and comfort all of you each and every day.

  17. Holly says:

    Love to you ALL. ❤ I extend my own healing prayers and energies to the entire process. Standing in solidarity with you in my Heart. Thank you for sharing the journey with us. May we all arrive in glory, wherever the boat lands.

  18. Marilyn Mueller says:

    As the saying goes….if He brings you to it He’ll bring you through it. It’s good that you are all strong and have so much love in your family. Still, it would be nice if there was some ‘magic’ button . . . prayers and hugs for you all.

  19. Andy Casillas Hein says:

    Susie: When you are helping him button and climb, we’re all there with you in spirit hoping you can make his days easier. Wish I could make YOUR day easier too. Sending prayers and well wishes just doesn’t seem like enough. Let me know if there’s a personal touch I can fill for you. Squeeze him for me.

  20. Cara says:

    Thank you for sharing your story and life with us! I’ve always adored Loren and now I adore your entire family. Loren sent me many encouraging words as I struggled with my Mother’s demise from Dementia, and I’ve known of him and met him several times as a result of his journalism career and conservation work. I’m so sad for Loren’s illness and the struggles you are all going through, but am so grateful that you’ve chosen to share. You inspire us all with your courage, love, dedication and devotion. You teach us that there are still loving close knit families who support each other and that the dysfunction so prevalent today doesn’t have to be the norm. You give me hope for the human race, but also a sadness that we may loose one of our local HEROES. And you make it ok to share our pain and struggle publicly. I did the same with my struggles during my Mom’s illness and some people chastised me for it, some very close people… Since Loren and your entire family have shared your struggles, I don’t feel like such a freak for needing to share mine. I believed I was helping others and myself by sharing my grief, as I hope you gain strength by sharing your story. Lord knows you are helping others and this too will be a part of WONDERFUL LOREN’S LEGACY. I love you all dearly and continue to pray for the best for you all!

  21. Jeanette says:

    Prayers and healing light coming to you and Loren from a former San Diegan now living in Bozeman, MT. Your grace and compassion are palpable, as is the love between you two.

  22. Ruth Wolf says:

    God bless u Sussie and I pray He will continue to give u strength and I pray for Loren as he travels these uncertain roads

  23. Gary Busk says:

    Thank you so much for taking the time to share your journey.

  24. Jane McGill says:

    I am so sorry Susie. I was a friend of Loren’s in high school. He was so charming, handsome , smart, etc. I have been following your blogs for months now and I have been worried the last couple days because of the lack of posts, I had a bad feeling. Hang in there. Prayers are with you all. Love, Jane

    Sent from my iPhone

  25. Kirsten Bates says:

    Thank you for sharing, Susie! Your words are precious. As always, you are in our thoughts and prayers! xo

  26. Ashley Toelle says:

    Susi,e I am on awe of your strength, grace and bold honesty! I think of you all often and look forward to the readings where I will tear up, smile, be on my knees in prayer and even laugh out loud! I pray for you and your family regularly! Blessings

  27. karen says:

    Thinking of you and Loren and praying for you every day. We wish you peace.

  28. Jody says:

    Oh my gosh, I love getting your family’s posts, but as time goes by I am almost afraid to open them. I have so much respect for you and your family and the way you are navigating your way through every new thing that comes with his brain cancer.
    Please know that so many people love you and are praying for you. God Bless you and your family God Bless Loren, he certainly is one of a kind.

  29. Pati LaRue says:

    May God hold you all in His arms. You have so many people that love you. I pray for Loren daily.

  30. Kris Sims says:

    I pray for you all, and hope things get better. I’ll hold good thoughts and prayers.

  31. It seems like all of us have had a loved one or friend that struggled with cancer you are not alone our hearts a support go out to all of you and God bless. Wish I could wave a magical wand and make this awful disease go away but I can not.

    Loving thoughts Pat and Oscar

  32. Jim Pilling says:

    After reading this column about Loren and the Nancarrow family, I decided to miss the regular daily news and do some praying and soul-searching while now living in Eugene, Oregon. I called my two daughters, son-in-laws, four grandchildren and told them to have a safe day and that I loved them and am glad I moved to this area and closer to them. It made my day and theirs as well. God bless Loren and the family. Daily prayers and thoughts are coming your way by way of Eugene, OR.

  33. lpietroforte says:

    Stay strong and keep cherishing all the moments. And remember, taking time for you doesnt take away from the times you are present; it just refreshes you for you, for him, for them, for us. You are giving all of us who care the greatest gift of inclusion. Thank you. You husband continues to have much to report and teach. Big hug to you all.

  34. Myra Thornton (was Anderson) says:

    Having lived with my mom and dad as they each fought cancer (…and boy did they fight!) I am brought back to so many feelings and the fears that I faced. The sadness of watching someone so strong go through such debilitating changes. And the strength that keeps them here just one more day… I pray for you and your family, I am sure you all are dealing in different ways, experiencing different sides to this man you love so much. Loren has always been a strong leader, someone that people want to be around and to know and he has made great changes in the way people think and view the future of this great planet, I know that I have been blessed in the brief interactions I have had with your family (our kids went through school together) and am inspired by the insights you share. Thank you for being so open and honest and keeping everyone posted on how to pray. God Bless you and your family …

    Myra

  35. Jackie Owens says:

    Dear Susie. You are so strong. Loren is so fortunate to have you and his family in his corner. This is a terrible disease with such life changing happenings, it is really the test of all time for family and friends. The entire world is praying for Loren and the family. Hang in their Susie (I really didn’t need to say that, as you are doing so with such grace). Jackie

  36. Eileen Jackson says:

    Tears in my eyes over such a wonderful person that I have never met. Thank you so much for this post. It is good to know how Loren is doing and empathize for the family. May God watch over all of you. You are in my prayers.

  37. Jane Sparks says:

    God Bless your family. The strength, resolve and love you show to all of us is an inspiration. I wish you all nothing but peace and God’s grace in these trying times. I wish all families were as strong as yours!

  38. Linda Gloria says:

    Susie , you are a amazing woman . I applaud your strength. Loren and the rest of the family are truly in my prayers. Please know that we all love you, Loren & the kids. We are here for you to talk or vent, anytime. Much love and prayers
    Linda Gloria

  39. betseylass says:

    I read this with tears in my eyes. We learn so much from Team Nancarrow. Thank you for sharing your humanity in all it’s varying facets. Sending you all strength as you face each new challenge.

  40. Dawn says:

    Without you and your family, many of us would not know Loren as we do. You have helped make all who know you, realize how wonderful it is to have love in all forms. You have shown us what love really is and can be.

    Love to all of you,

    Dawn

  41. Laura says:

    I’d like to be on the team

  42. Anonymous says:

    Suzie, tears in my eyes. lots of prayers being said for the Nancarrow family

  43. Susan O'Shea Smith says:

    Susie and Loren, though I have never met either of you in person, you have both touched my heart and are in my thoughts and prayers often. I have cried, I have laughed and I have been inspired by both of you as have shared this challenging road. Sending love and prayers to both of you. My prayer is for you to enjoy each and every moment as much as you possibly can!

  44. Laurel says:

    Sooo much to learn from you Nancarrow family, you have blessed us all with your courage.

  45. These are the times when the Nancarrow family teaches us all. Thank you..

  46. Anonymous says:

    This is valuable, deep, pure inspiration. Thank you.

  47. Anonymous says:

    Susie, what a lovely testimony to your wonderful husband. He is indeed a REAL man, a tough thing to find these days. My heart breaks for you and your family when I read these posts, and my prayer for you is that somehow all the compassion and prayer being offered to you by those of us reading them can allow you to lean on that strength and get through this biggest challenge of your life. YOU are a bright light and God is right there with all of you.

  48. Joanne Monia says:

    Keep on keeping on……you and your family are truly AMAZING….Keep the writing going….we ALL love hearing and learning from you ALL! God Bless! ❤

  49. Sue says:

    Susie, do you have a link where we can join your team for Feb? I can’t run, but I’ll walk every step.

  50. Erin English says:

    My heart is heavy for what you are going through. I have always admired Loren. He met with me a few times when I was a principal in Encinitas. In fact, he was my Principal for the Day. He is a wonderful human being and you are right…. He is ahead of his times!

    • Anonymous says:

      My heart goes out to you and your family! Reading your post just breaks my heart. You are all very strong and you will get through the hard times. I don’t even know you or your family and only know Loren from TV but no one or family should have to go through this sad journey. Stay strong Nancarrow family!

    • Ted Gammon says:

      I am going bald; I don’t seem to loose the weight I resolved to rid my body of; I don’t have enough money to enjoy retirement years; I fear loosing body parts to my diabetic condition; Okay… you’ve got me on this one. Your troubles have played out better than mine on your pretty violin… Did I mention how sad I am for knowing Loren is on a down hill slope that’s oh so steep?

      Now is a new moment and I hope you’ve got multiple moments to enjoy all the good things you find around you and yours.

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