Torrey Pines December 25th, 2013
Life is a series of decisions — and over the years I’ve made plenty of decisions, both bad and good, but I’ve paid special attention to the more recent ones. Since February, it seems there are no small decisions. If I follow the “standard of care”, will I live longer? If I lean into the disease and let it take its’ course, will I be more comfortable? I’ve decidedly taken both paths — beginning with radiation and chemo, neither of which felt right to me. And now I’ve come to the next road in my journey, where I’m learning acceptance, and to be at peace with the understanding that my time is extremely limited and what I’ve got (in all likelihood) isn’t going to disappear.
There’s a lot that passes through my mind on these sleepless nights — mostly my family and what comes next. I want to know if Susie, Graham, Hannah and Britta will continue to grow long after all of this. I hope they continue to fight for others’ needs right up until the end of their own needs. I hope they will draw more strength than pain from having experienced this adversity. I hope that they treasure the importance of each day and are understanding of the fleetingness of life. For my wife, I hope she continues to grow and prosper on the path we began together 30 years ago. For my son, I hope for him to realize his childhood dreams and to chase them wildly until he does. For my daughters, I hope boundless happiness.
One of the lessons I’ve learned in life is that happiness lies in discovering your passions and exploring them fiercely. And passions aren’t necessarily big, grand notions. We can also find passion in a rose garden and the smell of a puppy and the writing of a first grader. Wherever they are, whatever they may be, seek out your passions and cultivate them.
And the most important lesson I’ve learned throughout all of this, is that it is far better to do good for others, than to do good for oneself.
As for the question of what’s on the other side — truth is, I don’t know. But I believe that life is energy and energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only change forms. And whatever form I take on next, I just hope my connection to those I love will remain.
Loren
The Nancarrow Project 
Beautifully said Loren. Your energy will always be in the elements of the earth and when we look at the beautiful sunsets we will be reminded of your inter beauty and spirit. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Susan
Isn’t it just like you, Loren, to comfort others at this MOST challenging time. You are love, you are light, and you are a miracle we all experience. You make me believe in magic, Loren. One foot in front of the other, brave one. It ain’t over ’til the fat lady sings, & I haven’t even started humming yet…
One of the greatest things I am thankful for in this life is that I spent the little money I had in college and flew to California and got to know you and my cousins. The first time I remember meeting you is when you were standing in the airport and then we tried to fit my suitcase into that insanely little car you drove… And then you spent the next 4 days with me as much as you could. It made me feel so special. Since then I have become a lawyer, gotten married, and had three little ones of my own… Yet I still treasure the time we spent together on that trip. Please let Graham, Hannah and Britta know that they are welcome here anytime… If just to visit, get away, explore… I know we are in Georgia, which is not regarded well by Californians, but we are here with open arms, just like you were there for me.
Your family members are strong, compassionate people from what I’ve seen in your posts along this journey. Don’t worry about them, Loren, they will emerge from this even stronger than you think and may even take unexpected paths of growth. And you will never truly leave them, you will always be close to them in many ways, unseen, perhaps, but always there. Thank you for teaching all of us to appreciate our daily lives and to try and make the most of whatever time each of us has left in this world.
I suspect that your family, although they will grieve for you more than you can imagine, have learned so very much from you. (anyone who had the privilege of seeing you on the news have learned from you) With the life lessons you are still teaching and showing by example how to live, fully. How to love, fully. May the Lord heal you, keep you and keep your family. may there be peace that surpasses understanding for you and for your family. They are blessed in having been your family. May you find some rest and comfort this holiday season. you are all in my thoughts and prayers. DAF
What a lovely soul you are, and how fortunate I’ve been to have “known” you and learned from you…Personally, I’m not ready for you to depart this realm, so I’m sending you some virtual green juice for healing! You might also enjoy Marty Leeds latest YT vid on numbers, spirituality, and nature’s paths, entitled The True Meaning of Christmas. Also, it’s not too late to try vitamin B-17…Regardless, your connections to your loved ones will never be lost; as you say, energy cannot be created or destroyed, it simply IS, and morphs from form to form, so as to get a better knowledge of all things that comprise our universe. Occupy your heart, dear one {{hugs}} and know you’ll always be in ours 🙂
You Inspire Loren, Very nicely said. Happiest wishes.
Hi Mr. Nancarrow,
I am shocked by the news of your health situation and retirement from news. I have lived in San Francisco for the past four years pursing my dream of being a TV journalist. In God’s faith and time, I graduate in May and find a job. Growing up in San Diego, I saw you on the news and appreciated your news presence and delivery across the TV screen.
My mother, Christina Nevarez, died 13 years ago at the age of 39 of an aggressive form of leukemia. She was diagnosed, started chemo and died in less than a month. Her short battle and memory have made me more passionate to pursue my dreams and help people through journalism. I know my mom’s energy is with me always. I feel her. I hope you don’t give up because the battle is given to you to fight until God says so. Life is about never giving up even when the light seems dim. This blog in particular reminded me of my mom and brought me to tears because I, too, believe life is energy that keeps going. Keep going brother.
This brings me to tears. Selfishly I am not ready to say goodbye to you. Understandably, you are ready to go.
Thank you for everything you have taught us. You will be missed. May your journey be a peaceful one.
SYOTOS
Kristy
What a wonderful message and very selfless; thinking of others as you face your own challenges. Thanks for reminding us that the simple things see the most important. Hugs to you and your family.
Loren, I can’t begin to tell you how much the words and thoughts from you and your family during this part of your journey have been very comforting to me.
Thank you for sharing your heart Loren. Peace and love to you and your family.
Loren and family….such an incredibly sweet voice from the heart. Several years ago one of my students, Dennis was diagnosed with medullablastoma. He had a lot of the same sentiments that you have only he was 13 when diagnosed and almost 17 when he moved into the next realm. I believe in energy and I also believe in guardian angels and as his father said to me the other day, “Dennis has your back, Miss O.” In 2010 when I was in such despair over events I had no control in dealing with, his father stopped by and left me a note saying that Dennis had sent him a message that something was wrong. I had not spoken to his family for several years. Yes, Dennis does have my back. Nothing leaves this world…it just changes its form….the caterpillar to the butterfly. Each sunset, each sunrise, each holiday, each rose, each brush of wind to your face….it is a gift and we often overlook it. I have learned this lesson from you as well as Dennis. My best to you and your family.
Loren,
As you are about to enter the next phase of your journey be comforted in the knowledge that the Lord has you firmly within the comfort of his being and that you will be welcomed into his heavenly kingdom. Your pain will be gone and you will begin your life in eternity.
Such a dear sweet man you are, we are all so enriched by you in so many ways. May you and your famliy take comfort in the joy and lessons you have imparted over the years. Love and light to you and yours, I thank you.
Sharing your journey has opened my eyes. I only hope that your family will be at peace knowing that every moment of family time will continue to live on. Prayers and comfort to you and your family will continue. Know that you have left a positive energy in many of us as well follow you through this winding road that will lead to peace.
Dear Loren,
I have followed your journey through your battle with cancer and you have inspired me. Your insight and thoughtfulness is so strengthening I have appreciated so much your thoughts, courage, and honesty but mostly your truly good kind heart!! I always loved you as an anchor but even more so a person.
I pray for this time that you have with your family and friends to be full of love, passion, happiness and peace. I truly believe that there IS something beyond this life and that you will one day be reunited with your family, to be with them forever.
You are in my thoughts and my prayers Loren. I’m am grateful for the man, husband, father, friend, and cancer patient that you are…those of us who have watched from a far have grown through your example in these many roles!!
The heart of the city is with you!!
Sincerely, Hadley
With you being into natural stuff, I am sure you must have heard of the Gerson Therapy. But just in case I thought I would mention it. Done mostly with food. Main facility is south of the border. I believe in natural stuff for healing and am also a Christian. My God bless you and your family and watch out for you. I will be praying for you. You have touched my heart. Love & Blessings, Eileen
Loren,
You have taught me so many lessons as you and your family share this journey. I honestly believe your energy will always stay with me and for that, I thank you with my whole being. Know that you have made me smile so many times as we laughed about the small things in a news room. Thank you for loving and giving. Your beautiful family is strong and there is not a ounce of doubt, they will achieve their dreams and continue to fight the fight. Fuck cancer, my friend. Love you.
You are such an inspiration to us – God Bless you and your family. Praying for peace and comfort for all of you as we are all learning to “live” as you prepare to face what is ahead.
DeaR Loren,
{{ThanK YoU aGaiN for enRiCHiNg our LiVes heRe iN San Diego–}}==
jusT REmemBeR>>>
_GOD, ouR CREATOR_, LoVes uS,,,,∞
aNd iF wE staY oR iF wE Go, _HE_ iS iN ControL ∞
All GooD eNeRGy iS LoVe aNd _JESUS ‘was’ The EmBoDymeNT…oF ThaT.. = † _…
HE_ LeFT foR uS THE HOLY_SPIRIT tO GuiDe uS Through \
oVer / + iNTo HIS Eternal PhySicaL PresenCe iN GLoRY…………..
WhaT a BLeSSiNG †††††††††††††
you are a beautiful soul Loren…Peace and Health to you in 2014
My mother died when I was very young (16). She did not share her final months with her five children; choosing instead to be more private. She thought that sharing her thoughts and emotions, and us seeing her physical and mental decline was not the right thing to do. I wish she had shared every possible moment with us. I’m 57 now. I can tell you without doubt that sharing your journey with your family is the best gift you could possibly give them here on earth. And, sharing with the rest of us makes us much richer and able to contemplate what many of us chose to ignore — that we all go on this journey at some point in our lifetime. You continue to help us all be more contemplative and thoughtful about what we must all some day go through. Thank you very much. Keep fighting the good fight.
may God Bless you and your family…..
I lost my dad to brain cancer in 2007 when I was 30 and he was 57. We too are from Encinitas. I am in awe of your courage and the strength of your family (and your collective writing ability!). I guess the message I would impart to you and your family is that the sun continues to rise each day, no matter how dark the night might be. 6 1/2 years after my dad left his physical form, I am still struck with occasional pangs of sadness. But mostly, I see the world in brighter colors now, feel emotions on a deeper level. And this richness only comes from having experienced the loss of my father. I am grateful for the time I had with him, but I also appreciate the lessons extracted from his absence. The days, weeks and months ahead may be dark, but the sun will shine again for all of you. Life will continue to bloom in new and exciting ways and I wish you all the joy that life on earth and hereafter has to offer.
For those of us dealing with a cancer journey in our own families, your words are balm. Thank you!
Peace be with you and your family. xoxo
Beautifully written!!
Wishing you and your family peace, comfort, and continued love during this time. You are such an inspiration and we are all so blessed to know you-(for me, watching you on TV for many years)
Thank you for sharing!
You’ve given so much to so many. Blessings and hugs.
Please know that we are thinking of you and learning lessons right along with you. This disease is so much more common–we can only hope that soon they will find a cure. Meanwhile, know that as you move along on this part of your journey, people you do not even know are thinking of you, praying for you, and knowing your memory will live on.
Loren, Thank you for being such a wonderful human being! Have a peaceful journey!
Love you Loren and Suzie. Thank you both ever so much.
What ever the decision . . .we all come to the same decision which you have. May you feel the love and peace of what is beyond when you do leave.
Beautiful and powerful, Loren. We love you.
Cindy and Chuck Traisi
Thank you Loren, for the years and years of giving and teaching to all of San Diego and way beyond. I’ve had the opportunity to watch several of my students transition. They knew, before their families, where they were in this cycle of life. Great sadness for those of us left behind, yet happiness for their escape. The energy does remain, just different, even for those lost unexpectedly in accidents. Take care of yourself! Love to all of your family too.
As I face my dear sister’s funeral services having lost her fierce battle with cancer, as well, I will hold on to your extremely deep and loving words to try and help me through our loss. You are truly a man worthy of your family’s love. Your strength will surely live on dear man~
Bless you Loren and your family. Please send me an email address I have a couple of items I would like to send you, Not very adept at this computer stuff or I could probably manage to send it to you somehow to Facebook, please send email address. Lots of prayers and hugs coming to you from all over the world. Jackie
You and I don’t know each other face-to-face…but may I say… I just love you!!! Thank you for sharing in such a real way…
You and your family have been an inspiration to us all. May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family as you continue on this journey.
Loren, you have taught me so much. Over the years you taught me about gardening & home made flea products. Now you have taught me what it means to have grace in facing life’s challenges. I know that your family will continue your good work, you raised them very well. I pray that you stay with us longer, because I look forward to your blogs all the time. But that is me being selfish , I really wish you peace and joy in your next adventure. God Bless you & your beautiful family
Love Always
Linda
I too want to thank you for your beautiful and meaningful words. Too often we forget to appreciate the small gifts and miracles we are given, like a fragrant smell that reminds of a loved one, or the flight of a hummingbird which I hope is my mom’s spirit just coming by to say Hi, a beautiful sunset or a rainbow after the rain…. Peace and Love to you Loren and your family, you are truly an Inspiration ♥ May this time for you and your family be filled with Love ♥
A beautiful gift to your family, Loren, those words. I always wished that my husband had been well enough at the end to express thoughts like that for us to read and re-read. Bless you for your thoughtfulness. ❤
WOW!!!True Strength!!!
You are an inspiration and I wish for you a smooth and painless transition into the next life. I understand the “next stage” is supposed to be wonderfully beautiful, with nothing to fear, and that we are still able to watch over those whom we love. We see those again who have left this earth before us, and we live in eternal peace with all that we know. That being said, you have come to the point of acceptance and hopefully you find yourself with no regrets. With all that you’ve accomplished in your life, you have to be incredibly proud.
You’ve done good… good by us all. And you’ll keep doing good because that is your essence, right there along with love.
I love you Loren – thank you for connecting me with your message. xxoo
Loren,
You have taught so many through your posts. Words that inspire, words that are timeless and I appreciate you letting me be a part of your journey. You and your amazing family are so loved.
Happy today!
I just got this in the mail!
More soon.
Love ya me 💛💛🍷
Sent from Sal’s iPhone ‘It is what it is!’ 😉
Pleasant journey Loren.
The most simple words are often the most eloquently written Loren. I learned to enjoy the little things because in the end it seems that they tend to mean the most in the end. You certainly have taught many to appreciate what so many have forgotten or taken for granted.
Merry Christmas (belated) and Happy New Year to you, Susie and your family.
Brock
Thanks for being an inspiration and teaching me that the little things bed up being the biggest ones!! Happy holidays to you and your family.
Loren…peace, my friend…love, jim