Torrey Pines December 25th, 2013
Life is a series of decisions — and over the years I’ve made plenty of decisions, both bad and good, but I’ve paid special attention to the more recent ones. Since February, it seems there are no small decisions. If I follow the “standard of care”, will I live longer? If I lean into the disease and let it take its’ course, will I be more comfortable? I’ve decidedly taken both paths — beginning with radiation and chemo, neither of which felt right to me. And now I’ve come to the next road in my journey, where I’m learning acceptance, and to be at peace with the understanding that my time is extremely limited and what I’ve got (in all likelihood) isn’t going to disappear.
There’s a lot that passes through my mind on these sleepless nights — mostly my family and what comes next. I want to know if Susie, Graham, Hannah and Britta will continue to grow long after all of this. I hope they continue to fight for others’ needs right up until the end of their own needs. I hope they will draw more strength than pain from having experienced this adversity. I hope that they treasure the importance of each day and are understanding of the fleetingness of life. For my wife, I hope she continues to grow and prosper on the path we began together 30 years ago. For my son, I hope for him to realize his childhood dreams and to chase them wildly until he does. For my daughters, I hope boundless happiness.
One of the lessons I’ve learned in life is that happiness lies in discovering your passions and exploring them fiercely. And passions aren’t necessarily big, grand notions. We can also find passion in a rose garden and the smell of a puppy and the writing of a first grader. Wherever they are, whatever they may be, seek out your passions and cultivate them.
And the most important lesson I’ve learned throughout all of this, is that it is far better to do good for others, than to do good for oneself.
As for the question of what’s on the other side — truth is, I don’t know. But I believe that life is energy and energy can neither be created nor destroyed, it can only change forms. And whatever form I take on next, I just hope my connection to those I love will remain.
Loren
The Nancarrow Project 
Simply beautiful. Thank you. Sincerely, John E Flannery
Loren, If you want a treatment with little side effects go see Dr. Beck at Scripps Green and get a Novocure device. Or Dr. Kesari at UCSD Moores. Also, if you have not tried Avastin yet it worked wonders for my Glioblastoma. For me it was much more tolerable then temodar/temolozide. Not sure if it is approved for an AA, I would think it would be if it is approved for GBM. Dr. James Mason at Scripps Encinitas/Green Rx’d it for me. I know what it’s like getting unsolicited medical advice. You probably already explored these options and I apologies for posting. Just wanted to make sure Scripps is taking as good of care of you as they are of me. Good luck, and no, not today!!
Loren I watched you over the decades and many different news stations! I like your gardening tips but more so your humility. You are on track, it’s not just energy it’s God. He is trying to get your attention. I too battled cancer and currently my niece is battling a brain tumor. My son in law Mikey is the media director at Fox 5.
Please turn to God, I noticed you look in awe of all that is created.A great book is titled Heaven, by Randy Alcorn.
For God so loved the world he gave his only son, so whomever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.
Prayerfully sherryl
Loren, you are part of the reason I have made some changes in my life. This journey is way too short and now I am learning more about how to “live”. And yes, we are all part of a world of energy. Sometimes I think, ” is it sad for a soul when it has to leave its freedom and go into a confined body? Does it secretly yearn to be free again while it plays here during life?” Loren, you will always be with everyone you have touched. I have already christened my backyard garden the Loren Nancarrow garden, because your tips have made me a better gardener, and your strength has made me a better person.
p.s. the rubber snake cure for squirrels really worked
Loren, I grew up watching you on TV. You are a brave and special man. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
You are a very amazing man Loren. Thank you for sharing your life with us.
You are a very amazing person Loren.
Loren, we haven’t met, but I know many of your colleagues; I have a PR company in San Diego and I’m a food writer. I’ve also had a brain tumor since the age of 9 — benign, thank God. Your words leave a lump in my throat; you’re touching so many with your strength and wisdom. Thank you for that; what a blessing. You’re right: you’re energy, and if you bring even an ounce of the magic you’ve created in this life into the next, the world will be fortunate.
Words just do not express the infinite appreciation and love I feel for you and your family. Blessings on your continuing spiritual journey. Your love remains and always will in my heart and the hearts of millions you have touched.
Loren….thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts and passion and truth with us. Please know you have served thousands of people with your wit and wisdom and you continue to do so. Just think of what you …one person has done to inspire others. And then when you add your beautiful family and their love and efforts, you have reached tens of thousands of people with your incredible energy. Love and energy to you…Marilyn Hyder
Loren,
We are praying for you and your family and have followed you on your blog as you shared such heartfelt thoughts.
You are searching as I did. I pray that you find Jesus to be your Lord and Savior and have the faith of a child to receive all that He has for you….eternal life.
We will continue to lift you to the Lord for strength, comfort, peace, encouragement and life!
Blessings,
Dyan
Dear Loren,
Thank you got sharing your thoughts through this difficult time. My uncle had a glioma in 1993 – he was a successful urologist, only to find that the motor control in his right hand was off. He was 45 years old, married with four young children ages 9-14. Your story along with my personal struggle with cancer last year hit home. I wish you continued victory and spirit through the rest of your journey. I hope to meet you on the other side, and reminisce about how sweet this life has been and will continue to be.
Thank you for, not got.
Loren, watching the sun set at an Oceanside beach last night, thinking about you and your family and all the other families, seeing the setting sun’s reflection on the wet sand and the unusual calmness of the ocean’s surface, I wondered ahead and beyond. A 49 year old sister recently moved here to be with family and entered hospice. During this six weeks with hospice her nurse said the change we’ve witnessed is a miracle. He suggested med changes, offers hugs and encouragement. He told her to keep positive. Although she is sick, her body is healing.
Your passion for your family, life, the environment, story telling, education, and doing good for others has permeated and resonates. That energy, that synergy,is endless even during those sleepless nights. Thank you for sharing and keeping the energy flowing.
Dear Loren,
Although I have not had the privilege of knowing you personally, I have watched you on TV news for the past 30 years. I appreciate the contribution you have made and your concern for the environment especially for future generations. I am at a loss for words as to why this had to happen to you. Just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.
God Bless You
Lilinda Camaisa
It is you and others like you that I have known that give me reason to live. Otherwise my life would be meaningless,,,,,
The inspiring words from you and your family demostrate an incredible strength. Your courage in facing illness straight on, bearing the wounds and sharing the feelings helps all of us who admire and wish you peace and love.
May your sharing be a shining light into the darkness of the unknown.
You light a candle for all of us to be unafraid and live life to the fullness with gusto sharing love for family and friends.
God bless and thank you for your warrior spirit.
Dear Loren,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. No one knows when their time will come.It is something I can’t fanthom. And I know I don’t really like to think about. But reading your thoughts have made me think about my life. Thank you for sharing your journey. May the Creator send you and your family many blessings. You are truly an inspiration. Thank you.
There will never be a way I can adequately express my appreciation for your blogs as you deal with your “blob”. You are helping all of us better understand the many steps in the difficult process. You have said many times you don’t know what is on the other side. None of us do, but you are planting so many seeds of hope, knowledge, and openness, that no matter where you journey takes you, there are lots of pieces of you in our hearts and minds. We will never be able to thank you and your family enough.
Dear Loren,
What a beautiful person you are and how inspiring your words! We are truly blessed to have you for even a moment on this earth! My mother in law is very sick with stage 3 breast and lung cancer and has been through 4 rounds of intense chemo and 2 surgeries. She will start a second round of chemo in the first week of January and then radiation. We have NO idea if this will take care of her cancer or not. But she feels she must try because she takes care of her 86 year old mother! She feels so strongly that her mom should not have to attend her funeral, that she is doing everything possible to stay alive. But it is hard, and I wonder deep in my heart how long she can put herself through this physical turmoil. She does not have a computer nor internet, but I think that if I tell her about your blog, she just might find a way to afford it so that she can find others like her and connect like never before.
Thank you for your words, thank you for your heart and thank you for sharing everything! You are a good man and the world needs more like you!
Kathy
Hello Nancarrow Family,
It is true what you say about energy. I had to see a neurologist once and he was measuring the electric current flowing through my arm and hand. He said,”Doctors get so mad at me, because this electric current thing really bothers them. They can’t explain it.” I looked at the doctor and said, :The electric current you measure is our soul.” I really believe that. Energy can’t be destroyed, it just moves forward. Your family is very spiritual, and might I suggest your wife look into Noetic Science. It is based in Santa Rosa, CA. It studies the effects of prayer worldwide, and has actually done an experiment that measures the weight of the human soul. If you read Angels and Demons by Dan Brown, he refers to Noetic Science in the book, and his forward says that whatever experiments he talks about in the book have been done by this group. Since I have a breast cancer that could return at any time, I found the work by this group comforting and validating in terms of the soul being energy that could be measured. We do go forward and we are a lot lighter, which most women will like because we are always dieting and exercising. I don’t want to be insulting to your beliefs, but just offer something that brought me comfort, which maybe will bring comfort to all of you as well. We think about all of you every day and want you to know we hold you all in our hearts.
Cathy and Charlie Noakes
Bless you.
Loren, Your writings are so interesting and inspiring to me! Besides being my all time favorite weatherman, I remember waiting on you a few times at the Brigantine (La Mesa), probably after you reported the weather from Mt. Helix. You were such a perfect gentleman. A server’s dream guest! I have a firm belief that my loved ones who have left us still come back from time to time to check in.. It’s the Hawk that hovers over, the birds that are very attentive and of course the butterflies that flutter by in the garden. I do talk to them by name and It makes me feel so good when I have these connections. It’s opened my eyes to nature even more. By the way that sunset photo from Christmas is so beautiful. One of the prettiest I’ve seen in this season of amazing sunsets. .
Best wishes to you and your lovely family,
Anne
God’s continued blessings to you and your family, wife Susie, son Graham, your daughters Britta and Hannah. Hannah oh Hannah what can I say. We have heard from you and I felt every word, raw and straight from the hip. Susie’s was equally felt. I am still praying as others for you. Loren you allowed us to take this journey with you. One of your post said “not today”, well Loren I am being selfish but in spite of this post please continue to say “NOT TODAY”. Wishing you God’s peace, light and His bountiful blessings which include His love for us all. Always, a friend in La Mesa 🙂
Loren, Thinking of you and your beautiful family with beautiful souls like yours. Forever in my thoughts and heart. Nurse Robin
Dear Loren,
You asked ” when is enough enough” and yet you still give us “eNeRGy” . God will let you know when you have stopped giving and sharing your life lessons and teaching us . We are all here for a reason, perhaps yours is to teach us how to be beautiful until the angels take us home.
Thank you for all the lessons you have shared and are sharing, my friend
Peace and love
Yes, I believe your connection with them will continue. If you feel that your time with is closing, go out with gusto my friend, knowing that all of San Diego will be missing you and caring for your family. Thank you.
Loren,
You are a true Warrior. You have faced your adversary with courage and understanding and are prepared for all consequences. You have suffered much but have endured that suffering with incredible insight and you and your family have shared those insights with us. All of this suffering will not be in vain. Even though we do not now understand why things happen, we will all eventually have the answers. Of this I have no doubt.
You have made a difference in so many lives, even before your illness. Not everyone can say that and I hope it is a great source of pride for you. Every Day you spend on this planet makes it a better place. Thank You.
YOU are an advanced soul Loren. Even if you didnt start out to be in this life, you are now. It is clear. You accomplished this amazing journey on this earth, in this lifetime…you affected others so dramatically. YOU will see us all again. those close to you…recognizable in another form………a ball of “energy” as you so eloquently titled this. I have no doubt. I /we wll see you again sweetie. YOU are a treasure -Kim
my prayers for you and your family, please read John in the bible and accept Jesus Christ as you personal Saviour.
Dear sweet Loren, and to your adoring family – May peace and strength be yours. May healing hands touch your hearts and souls. Blessings to you all for the journey. With love and light, Leslie M.
Life is a mystery that we can only understand
in part because we live on only one side of the mirror. It’s not until life is over and the mirror is taken away that it all becomes clear. But right now you must accept the blessings that you can…& understand and rejoice in them.”
God bless you as the the true blessings in your life are appreciated and cherished… and thank you for sharing your gift of “teaching” via journalism – thank you for not dumbing it down for us…but for giving us a straight shooters perspective – you are one badass reporter…and know that we appreciate your reporting and sharing your personal thoughts and perspectives each and every day. We pray for you and family…always!
Your writing is so honest, direct and without the slightest hint of self-pity. I admire how brave you have been and your obvious love for your family. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I lost my little sister to brain cancer just two years ago. She was unwilling to discuss death even though she knew it was coming. If only she could have had your willingness to accept where she was going. Just wish I could have had the opportunity to talk with her as you have talked with your family. The truth is we are all going to die, but for the most part in our society, it is not all right to talk about it. Bless your sweet soul. My passion is gardening and in honor of your life, I will pursue it now with gusto. xoxox
“Life is energy…” Yes Loren, you seem to have something there. If I may…
holding my mom’s hand on the last day of her life as she lay dying of metastatic cancer my thoughts yelled out…. “Oh mom… How can I watch you take your last breath?”…. With my head bowed I sensed her “spirit”…. My head then raised and there was her radiant face that I recognized from 8 weeks prior next to the bed….So beautiful, light around her face… her witty smile and she winked at me as her message to me was “I am no longer identified by what you see in this bed but by spirit”….
Shortly after that she awoke from her coma and looked at me with a blaze of love in her eyes mouthing “I love you”… She lifted her head and hands with a look of sheer delight. She took a huge breath in like a baby taking it’s first breath and she was smiling. She had her gaze fixed upon something/someone….
I witnessed my beloved’s resurrection … The most beautiful thing seen in my life. I fear death , but after this experience, I no longer do. I sensed the presence of a band of angels… the previously departed… She was moving to a new experience, changing form as you mentioned…
This transformation came after the process of weeks of her human self battling letting go of her place here. She told me how afraid she was to die concerned that a life time of her Catholic faith could be for nothing. But mom! My heart cried out…. I need you to tell me you are at peace and that you have lived a long life and and that you are not afraid….
But her journey of dying of cancer gave her time to transition to a place where her face and expression was of sheer peace like looking into the face of the Dali Lama. She spoke of the wind in the room (I believe this was the presence of angels and the previously departed)…. She would smile, close her eyes saying “beautiful…….so beautiful”….. Tell me mom, what is so beautiful….? “I can’t…. I just can’t”…..
This experience was the opposite of fear, emptiness, of being alone…. I watched someone join something, embrace something….. amazing since she was so very attached to this life, to family and friends.
The hospice nurse told me that my mom told her my father was visiting her daily (he had died 2 months prior). They divorced in 1973 from his alcoholism. I believe he was apologizing since they hadn’t spoken since then…. and helping her pass over. In death there is no room for anger. In spirit there was now healing. What a beautiful thing.
Your deeply wise intuitive self gets all this. You are gifting us with all that you have experienced . What a legacy. You are one hell of a mentor. Thank you for all of your passion. I shared my story if you have had moments of fear, doubts or the grief of saying goodbye…
Please know that when you are not feeing at peace or in doubt…. You have an army of prayer warriors to hold you and ÿour dear family up. I am so sorry for all that you have had to endure, and for the breaking hearts of your family…
With so much love and admiration…..
Candle lit and with enduring prayers.
Dear Loren. This was beautiful and thoughtful. My prayer for you, in addition to healing, is that you have your encounter with God that brings you face to face, heart to heart with His immense love for you so you will know what lies on the other side. When you do, perfect peace will envelope you. Much love to you and your family. God bless.
Loren thanks for your deep insights and words of wisdom. I echo your views on life and after. I know that your journey has been tougher than many. But your grace, evolution and sharing spirit are enlightening me and many others on your path. So your life’s great work to date is now propelled into whole new heights for you and others. Thanks for embracing your harsh and brutal news and converting the energy into something that transcends all that at light speed. You have been and continue to be in my prayers and thoughts. Sending great vibe and energy your way! May you have much joy and love in all the moments, minutes and time ahead on your path. It is clear you are radiating that and know it will come back many times magnified! Namaste and thinking of you. Steve Rodgers
No words can express my feelings….I haven’t met you and only know you through your blog. My heart is heavy tonight. I wish for you and your family strength and peace in the days to come. Your blog , no doubt will help others think about their lives with new awareness . You are truly an inspiration and a model of who we should strive to be. God bless you and may you spend the rest of your days surrounded by those you love!
That’s a wise answer to a tricky quoteisn
I love you, Loren. Date: Thu, 26 Dec 2013 20:32:00 +0000 To: joannmccracken@live.com
Thank you yet again for giving me another moment to pause… You have done so much for others by sharing your journey. I have felt that my body holds the soul who I am. And yours is like a joyful rainbow whose colors give such a smile to our faces and joy in our hearts… Blessings to you!
Dear Loren, I am saddened by your post lately. I know your body has been through so much and I can feel how tired and restless you are becoming. I am glad you were able to spend another Thanksgiving, Christmas and the coming New Year with your family as I am sure they are happy to do so once again. Please continue to fight the good fight. Isn’t life worth fighting for? I am sure you can feel all the love and prayers that are being said for you and your family. We are all here for you. We are your prayer warriors. As always, you know that I wish you and your family well! ♥♥♥
Dear Loren,
You are an inspiration to many, you are loved and respected by all of San Diego..
Thank you for letting us be apart of your journey.
God Bless you and your family.
loren.. I suspect you’ll be leaving behind a family who will have learned from you the lessons needed to make great lives for themselves.. and others..no one could have done it better..i’ll be a better person for having known you..everyone will..
Energy Some would call it in the spirit. Yes I would agree you hit on it. I have experiences along this line I’d love to share ! Email me anytime that’s good for you.
A great saying a friend clings to is
Hold Fast Shine Brightly.
I feel you’ve epitomized that spirit since our teens.
Never cease smiling. It stood you well back then and buoys your wonderful families spirits in this present.
Jim
i remember my battle with Stage 3 breast cancer as a blip in my life. I was lucky enough to never miss a day at work during chemo, radiation etc. I took my life for granted then and even continued to do so until i learned of your story. You and your family inspire me to be something i should have been a long time ago. Know that your story has changed this life.
Dear Loren,
We want to thank you for your inspiration, your transparent voice, your feelings, your humor, and the love that you so effortlessly express for self, family, life and all things beautiful. We draw strength and energy from you during these times that you are facing – we send it right back to you. Although we have left our home (temporarily we hope) in Carlsbad/Encinitas – you and your blog keep us attached in so many ways. Your comments and actions around peace and doing for others are such powerful lessons. We thank you for sharing and allowing us to read about you and your wonderful loving family. You made us feel at home when we came to San Diego in 1997 and although we are now in Michigan, we still feel a connection to you. We think about you often and pray for you often. Hang in there and keep making this world we all live in a better place. However we can help, we will find a way.
Best Regards,
Walsh Family in Michigan
Your connection to those who love you will always remain. There were many fun times in that building in Kearny Mesa and beyond. Your energy will remain a part of everyday life for all of us, in plants, in minds and in hearts. Love you Lorenzo!
Dear Loren, Brain Cancer Warrior,
I don’t have the privilege of knowing you, but your words have touched me deeply. I live life with compassion and passion and above all else with love and gratitude for my family, friends, and every experience, including learning to live with loss and soul purpose. While I feel that I am grateful for all of this and more every day, what you wrote hit home because I could feel, if only for a moment, what it must be to reflect on everything from your perspective. Your family and all who know you are clearly blessed. You are a bright LIGHT.
Thank you and do know that your, which can be neither created nor destroyed, is expanding and transforming everyone that is touched by you.
Peace and Blessings,
Elizabeth A.
Bless you Loren for sharing your positive thoughts and words in this time. You’re a wonderful man, see you on the other side one day my friend.
Your old beat farmer buddy,
Tom Ames
Loren, I knew that you would reach the point when you are at peace with your self. You are an inspiration and gracious gift to all of us who have followed your journey. God Bless and Peace be with you always.
Dear Loren,
I am the woman who was inspired to visit Costa Rica in 1995 by your news story while you were working at channel 8. You don’t know me, however, you touched our lives with your thoughtfulness of nature and the bravery you have.
God bless you and your Family,
Nora and Bob
Tell it to go away! You have experienced it enough and it’s time for it to leave. You have so much more to share and give as you have with this journey but the time has come for it to get out and let you continue to do your good things here. GET OUT EVIL disease. GO AWAY! Dissolve into nothing.
GO LOREN!!!!!!!
God Bless You.
Dear Loren,
I can’t remember the first time I heard you talk about gardening but your enthusiasm was wonderful. I had always enjoyed gardening, and thought I was pretty knowledgable, but you taught me differently. We now have a beautiful tropical garden with plumeria, staghorns, bromeliads, crinums, angel trumpets and more and we don’t use pesticides. It was fun to listen to you, David Ross, and the Andersen’s discussing the garden pests and how to treat them. We went more your way. Because we are pesticide free we enjoy many birds and lizards in our garden. These past years we use 350 pounds of sugar a month for our 34 hummer feeders and buy several containers of meal worms a month for the garden lizards. Thank you for all the help.
Our best wishes for you and your family.
Becky and Bruce Carlquist
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