Hi Friends and Family,
Please join us in our support of a rooftop healing garden at the Scripps Radiation Treatment Center. With your help, we’ll be able to raise enough funds to name the garden “The Loren Nancarrow Healing Garden” and ensure a space for cancer patients and their families to find peace for years to come.
Thank you so much for your unwavering support, we are so very lucky to have each and every one of you in our lives.
Please click here for more information:
The past month, since I’ve been home, has been rough. New medicines, new challenges and the constant worry as to whether I’m feeling symptoms of recovery or decline. I’m still not sure. But what I can say is the last two days I’ve been comfortable, a feeling I’ve learned not to take for granted.
There’s something else I’ve been feeling lately. It’s a feeling of inclusion, of belonging to a group of badass people fighting for their lives. Everyday I’m shocked to learn just how many of you are joining in your own battles with cancer. And although it’s not a club we choose to join, I’m inspired by my teammates. I’m inspired their energy, their drive and their reluctance to give up.
For me, walking seems easier this week, so my goal is to do more of it. Hopefully by my next post, I’ll have dropped some of the steroid weight and I’ll be able to get around more easily.
Know that as my fight continues, I’m wishing strength for you in your own personal battles with illness and all of life’s other lemons.
Loren
Two years ago I created a dream board. In case you’re not female or have missed this new era practice, a dream board is basically a poster that you fill with images and words that represent all your life’s dreams, goals and aspirations. Dream boards coincide with the law of attraction, which pretty much says “you reap what you sow.” If you have a negative mindset and stew over worries or negative thoughts, then you’ll attract negativity and bad things will surround you. If you choose to think and act positively and visualize positive outcomes, you will attract goodness and positivity.
So back to this dream board I made — I spent hours filling it with all the things I wanted. There was a big beautiful boat out on a crystal blue ocean, an 8,000 sqft Craftsman style home overlooking a sprawling green property, exotic vacation destinations, a black on…
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Two wheelchairs, 1 male and 1 female, 60 something. One metal walker, female, 30 something. Two canes, 2 males, 60 something.The faces deep and resolute.
The caregivers eyes blank and clear as if looking through a lens with no filter.
All walks, all races, all neurological.
Loren asks if we ‘do nothing’ would he continue to get more tired and just fall deep into sleep eventually? I whisper “I think so” we’re in the waiting room.
It’s true, I’m home from the hospital.
I’m very thankful to the doctors, nurses and staff at Scripps Memorial hospital, but I was ready to come home. Without making it a long story: they fixed me, got rid of some scar tissue and made it easier to stop pressure from building in my brain in the future. Best of all is the progress I’ve made since returning home.
I was released on September 23rd, in a wheelchair and unable to walk. Today, 10 days later, I can fairly easily climb the stairs at home. (Shout out to my physical therapist, Navid). Next, the doctors will help ween me off the steroids, which should allow me to lose 15 pounds or more and get back to as much of a normal life as possible.
Like the many of you also fighting cancer, we remain hopeful and vigilant. With your help, The Nancarrow Project was able to raise nearly $12,000 for other local brain cancer survivors during the SDBTF 5k. And we’re not done yet — we’ll announce our upcoming project(s) shortly.
I’ve been so impressed by all of the survivors I’ve met in recent months. Thank you for teaching me how to be strong.
Loren
“Home is a shelter from storms – all sorts of storms.” William J. Bennett
This is Loren Nancarrow, reporting live from hell…
The hospital has a lot of devices — most of them meant to inflict pain. They say they’ll help you — but they hurt you. To say I’ve been poked and prodded is a vast understatement. 7 days now and they show no sign of letting up — but I’m not gonna let ‘em win.
Hold on…my blood pressure monitor just went off – they’re winning for the moment, but the bastards can’t have me yet.
This challenging visit has reminded me how real this is, but it has also hardened me for the fight ahead. I don’t have a lot of energy to carry on today except to say that if you’ve got cancer: DON’T FREAKING GIVE UP.
I know they’ll spring me from this place feeling better and ready to carry on. And by the way, September 21st is coming (the SDBTF 5k in Point Loma). If I can be there…so can you.
Thanks for everything,
Loren
It’s been a rough few weeks. Our road trip to the Northwest was beautiful but I was limited in my ability to get around, so Susie had to do more than her share (and she did so gladly).
Part of learning about cancer is learning a whole new vocabulary. This week, our term is “radiation necrosis”. According to one of my doctors, that means the radiation did its’ job — just a bit too well. So well that it left a rim of scar tissue where the bulk of the tumor once was. This scar tissue is pressing down on my brain and has basically put my entire right side to sleep. Tomorrow we’ll find out if it stays or if it goes (whether or not I’ll have surgery to remove it).
This is all troublingly reminiscent of Susie’s mom, who had this very same cancer while Susie and I were dating. With each surgery, there was a little less of Phyllis left behind. That’s the conundrum of brain cancer; all the available options have high risks. In this case, doing nothing means a loss of function and quality of life, while acting radically (surgery) can either fix things or really mess me up.
So how will I make this decision? Well, I was the youngest of 4 kids and I hated being left in the dust. I felt like I spent all my time just trying to keep up. Cancer has made me feel that way again. So, the answer as to whether or not I’ll choose surgery is an easy one for me. If someone is offering me a way to keep up with the pack (my family), I’ll grab at it.
When this all started I somehow pictured myself being healthy until the end — and then it would simply be over. That hasn’t been the case and that’s what I’m finding most difficult. So my hopes are that in the coming days I’ll have surgery and I’ll awaken stronger, more mobile and ready to run with the pack.
In the meantime, I’m receiving daily foot massages from Hannah, watching way too much Netflix and doing my best to remember that others have it far worse. Mostly, I’m just looking forward to getting back out there with a full head of steam (rather than scar tissue).
I hope some of this will inspire you to appreciate your bodies and put them to good use (perhaps you’ll join The Nancarrow Project Team for the San Diego Brain Tumor Foundation’s 5k fun run/walk later this month).
Nemo liber est qui corpori servit.
Loren
Hi All,
I hope you’re all doing well (or at least I hope you’re hangin’ in there!). Us Nancarrows are also hangin’ in there and taking it day-by-day (so cliche, I know). As we approach the 7-month mark this week, The Nancarrow Project is slowly but surely beginning to take shape. We’re participating in our first fundraising event in a few weeks, a fun 5k walk/run benefitting the San Diego Brain Tumor Foundation. Needless to say, we’d love if you’d join us in support of this awesome local cause. Don’t worry if you’re not a runner (or an athlete of any kind), this is a fun, casual, dog-friendly, 3 mile kinda thing. Scroll down for info on signing up!
We’re also really excited to roll out some new TNP gear! Stop by our online Zazzle store for hats, t-shirts, buttons, stickers and more. Stock up for race day or just to show your support — 10% of each purchase will be donated to the San Diego Brain Tumor Foundation! Visit our online store here: www.zazzle.com/thenancarrowproject
As for my dad, he’s staying inconceivably strong and is consistently the funniest, most upbeat man around. We expect to have more information on his condition very soon. Thanks for staying in touch and for all your seemingly limitless affection and support. We are beyond grateful for each of you.
xoxo
Hannah Jane Nancarrow
Want to join in? Here’s how to sign up:
1.) Click the link below:
http://www.stepandsupport.kintera.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=1073943&lis=0&&kntae1073943=87B0F391157D484299300E218CC9076E&err=alreadyPart
2.) Click “Register”
3.) Click “Join a Team”
4.) From the dropdown menu, select “The Nancarrow Project” then click “Continue”
5.) Create a username and password & complete the 5k registration process
6.) Visit The Nancarrow Project Online Store for t-shirts and gear for race day!
7.) Invite family & friends to join!
Anyone who knows me, knows I’m in love with being comfortable — almost to a fault. Yoga pants, any kind of carb, a year-round space heater, a big comfy couch and did I mention yoga pants? I guess I could be compared to a Hobbit in the Shire. Why leave my comfort zone when it’s just so….comfy? (And the alternative is just so…not).
Well, (despite all my best efforts ) I’ve been uncomfortable a lot lately; training for the California 10/20 Run and learning the ins-and-outs of cancer care, while trying still to navigate my own life’s plan. But while spending all this time away from my comfort zone, I’m starting to understand what discomfort really means.
I’ve learned that discomfort is both voluntary and involuntary. It’s mental, emotional and physical. Discomfort is sickness and health. Discomfort is fear, sadness and uncertainty. It’s shock, surprise and anticipation. Discomfort is failure and success.
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The Nancarrow Project 