***CLICK PLAY BELOW TO HEAR LOREN READ ALONG***
Walter Cronkite signed off the same way every night: “And that’s the way it is.” Paul Harvey had his own “…[pause]…[pause]…[pause]…good day!” There was Edward R. Murrow’s famous “Good night and good luck.” Even my favorite pretend newscasters had their nightly rituals. Chevy Chase did “Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.” And we all know how Ron Burgundy ended his broadcast.
A sign off is a newscaster’s signature—and I’ve never really had one. Well, that’s not entirely true—for the last couple of years it’s been “Goodnight everybody. Two and a Half Men is next.” But now I find myself in need of a real sign off.
Still not sure how all this is gonna end for me with this brain cancer thing. But I do know that I’ve missed my last opportunity at a clever sign off. So consider this it. What I’m trying to say is I won’t be back on the evening news.
Now, don’t go picking out songs to play at my funeral just yet. I’m still fighting the fight and doing just fine—but a left frontal lobe brain tumor and live TV don’t mix. To my Fox 5 colleagues: don’t worry I’ll still be available for fashion advice and tips involving lemons.
So, back to that sign off. Let me try a couple out on you:
Peace and compost, San Diego. Nah… that doesn’t work.
Goodnight and have a good dinner. Nope…
See, this is why I never had one. Ah, screw it…Goodnight everybody. Two and a Half Men is Next.